The New York Post, in its quest to cover all innuendo and opinion regarding LeBron, talked to CC Sabathia recently about what the Yankee pitcher thinks LeBron should do come July 2010. First, it should be noted that they've apparently run out of new people to talk to about LeBron, because they already did an article on CC's thoughts back in November. I guess when you're pumping out 2-3 stories a day on the King, it's hard to find fresh material sometimes. (May I suggest they call Joey from Friends?)
But that's not my problem right now. Check out what CC said (not that it's not anything he hasn't said before, but still)...
Sabathia has his New York world championship. He wants his buddy LeBron James to get a New York title of his own. Sabathia said that New York living could be as good for James as it has been for him. "That's what it'll be like," Sabathia said as the Knicks collapsed once again, a dreadful 114-107 loss to the Bucks at the Garden. "The Knicks have a little ways to go, but any time you add that guy with another guy, you definitely have a chance to win. [James] and [Amar'e] Stoudamire, whoever else, you've got to think your chances to win would be pretty good."
"He's seen both sides of the fence, being in Cleveland and now in New York," James said before the game.
And Sabathia would like to see James in his new town.
"No doubt. This is it. This is the stage he wants to play on," Sabathia said. "And I think he'll be great here."
Fuck you, CC. Seriously.
You like winning in New York? It's so different from Cleveland? Fuck you. How about this game, asshole? And that one is a freaking Cy Young-esque effort compared to your excremental Game 1 effort. How about the Indians in the World Series against the Rockies if you had pulled your head out of your ass and managed to pitch somewhat like the ace you thought you were. You remember that? Probably not. Probably too busy taking off your socks so you could figure out your ERA for that ALCS (10.45) or dreaming about wearing pinstripes. Fucker.
I don't care that what you say is pretty freaking meaningless when it comes to real-world repercussions. Yeah, you're LeBron's "friend," but no one gives a shit.
What really pisses me off is that not only did your batshit performance in the Boston series rob me of a chance to watch a Cleveland team win a championship, but it also set in motion some dominoes that have toppled to where the Indians currently reside — lowest payroll in the AL Central, with Brian Bixler and company promising a scrapdiddilydacious battle for .500 this year.
You couldn't just ruin one team. No — you're intent on ruining two of my teams. And for that, you're a douchebag.
Once again, to be clear, you have no sway in LeBron's decision, so this vitriol spewing from my Chief Wahoo and Cavalier-loving heart isn't born out of fear that somehow speaking out is going to convince LeBron one way or the other. No, it's that for some reason you seem intent on shitting upon an entire city that gave you nothing but love (except for those two games in the ALCS — for those we would never forgive you.)
I am too nice to wish death or serious injury upon anyone, even someone as clearly douchey as yourself. But what I do wish is for some My Name is Earl-style karmic justice to come down on your fat ass. Since you seem so intent on shitting on Cleveland, here's to hoping that the next time you pitch down at the Jake, one of our darling little seagulls that hang around the stadium drops a fat load on your head. Here's to hoping that this scarring incident induces some Rick Ankiel-level yips from which you never ever recover. Here's to hoping you have a freaking 10.45 ERA from now until you're dutifully served your walking papers from your beloved New York Yankees after being ripped by the same media to which you're now dolling out quotes about your friend LeBron James. Here's to hoping they ask LeBron his opinion about his dear friend CC, who is now almost 400 pounds and can be found, daily, using his old jersey as a napkin at the local Hometown Buffet. Here's to hoping LeBron says something like: "I don't know what happened. He can't even sit courtside when I come to Madison Square Garden twice a year anymore — he's too fat for the seats."
Fuck you, CC.
Follow me on Twitter: @vincethepolack.
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