In November of 1974, a Browns fan and season ticket holder sent a letter to the team regarding a concern of his.
The Cleveland Browns (specifically, their general counsel) sent back an absolutely epic response.
Here are their two letters (click on images to enlarge):
If that's not clear, here's the transcribed text:
I am one of your season ticket holders who attends or tries to attend every game. It appears one of the pastimes of several fans has become the sailing of paper airplanes generally made out of the game program. As you know, there is the risk of serious eye injury and perhaps an ear injury as a result of such airplanes. I am sure that this has been called to your attention and that several of your ushers and policemen witnessed the same.
Please be advised that since you are in a position to control or terminate such action on the part of fans, I will hold you responsible for any injury sustained by any person in my party attending one of your sporting events. It is hoped that this disrespectful and possibly dangerous activity will be terminated.
Very truly yours,
Roetzel & Andress
By Dale O. Cox
And here's the Browns response:
Longtime listeners of Rizzo's morning show know all about the "Who Said That?" contest. Simply put, Rizzo and crew would play a short, bizarre audio clip and people had to guess whose voice it was. It was funny for awhile, and then became simply maddening near the end when literally no one could figure out the answer after Hammer picked some obscenely hard clip.
Well, according to Ohio Media Watch, the game has gotten WKNR 850 AM a $4,000 fine from the FCC.
Why? Because of some small print dealing with prizes and declarations of prizes.
The key rules were broadcast, and a more detailed set of rules was available on the station’s website.
Things changed in the contest to identify the final clip in the contest. From the fall of 2007 until the contest’s conclusion 9/4/09 nobody was able to claim the prize. The station kept adding prizes to the pot. However, some of the prizes were no longer available due to the passage of time. But the station never noted this fact on air. The fact that the rules as posted on the web noted that some prizes may be replaced with others due to unavailability at the time of awarding was deemed not to remedy the fact that this was never announced over the air.
Even the fact that WKNR(AM) replaced the prizes with others of equal value was deemed insufficient to remedy the situation.
FCC noted, “Licensees, as public trustees, have the affirmative obligation to prevent the broadcast of false, misleading or deceptive contest announcements,33 and to conduct their contests substantially as announced.
There's more legal jargon over at OMW if you want to read the rest of it.
Because no one else covers the Craigslist Missed Connection beat like us, here's a post that went up after the Cavs/Heat game last night.
This guy's not going to let the prospect of a girl with a boyfriend or an ass-whooping at the hands of LeBron jam up his game:
CAVS VS HEAT GAME - m4w
i was at the Cavs game tonight in section 231, row 5, we were sitting one seat apart. you were with a guy and i wasn't sure of your situation which is why i didn't ask for your number. we had that obnoxious woman who was "just a fan" of LeBron's tonight if that helps. hope this finds you.
Cleveland was remarkably behaved last night. Well, perhaps it's not so remarkable, but we were behaved, comporting ourselves in a dignified but passionate manner. The boos were loud (to start), the chants en-masse (to start), and the energy high, all until the Cavs went down by double digits and their soul-sucking performance sucked the life out of the assembly.
Everyone was worried about the specter of violence, what with the alcohol and emotions flowing so freely, but there was relatively little that actually happened.
One fella near the floor hurled a battery towards the Heat's bench and was briskly cuffed and roughed up by the cops (info at bottom of that link), which wasn't bright, and represented the exact kind of violence of which everyone was concerned about.
And there were also few incidents in the upper reaches of Quicken Loans arena, like the one pictured above which happened directly in front of my seats, Section 200, Row 6.
This Heat fan — or LeBron fan, or whatever he was — was popping his piece-of-shit black Heat jersey after parading up to the front row against the glass, then removing said gear and going all Petey Pablo. It wasn't long before the section righteously showered him in liquid (as you can see in the picture) — beer, pop, water... who knows what it was, but it was righteous — drawing the eagle-eyed but slow-legged security team.
Thankfully, by the time they arrived the real hero — and yes, hero is the right word — had already emerged and gotten in her parting shot. The young lady walked over, dumped a beer on his head, and then slapped him in the face. Fucking hero.
They were each escorted from the section, though I'm not sure whether either ended up being thrown out. (The Cavs final damage report, incidentally: one arrest, four ejections, 12 shirts and 24 signs confiscated.)
The other brouhaha in the rafters happened a few sections over. And while I'm not sure about all the details, it started with a Heat fan (of course, right?) and ended with this set of brothers in handcuffs surrounded by some of Cleveland's finest. (Those finest, by the way, were none too pleased about my picture taking or my intent to chronicle the incident. They not-so-kindly asked that I, "Go away and write about something else," to which I replied, "No, I'm good, thanks.")
Without going into incriminating details, let's just say big brother was a big brother and his parents, while they probably will never admit it out loud, are probably proud of what he did for his little brother.
LeBron dawdled by the Cavs bench a couple times last night, chatting with JJ Hickson and other Cavs players.
Here's assistant coach Jamahl Mosely telling LeBron to just shut the fuck up.
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