Well, he went as Dwyane Wade, but there's a special LeBron James attachment.
By Gus Garcia-Roberts and Vince Grzegorek
It all started with four words uttered by a man named Patches: “Shit, I’ll wear anything.”
It’s mid-September and Gus Garcia-Roberts is conducting an experiment on the streets of Miami. The former Scene staffer and current Miami New Times scribe has strayed just a few hundred feet from the King’s new castle: American Airlines Arena, home of the Miami Heat. He is armed with a LeBron James Cleveland Cavaliers jersey that has never been worn.
Enter Patches, an ex-con standing in a bombed-out block strewn with groggy homeless. He’s lean and muscular, and he speaks with a strong accent from his native Cuba. He wears mesh shorts, a green bandanna folded over his dead left eye (hence the nickname), a red Pizza Hut hat, and a twig between his teeth. Patches manages to make it all look more badass than bedraggled.
Gus offers him the wine-and-gold jersey, its $59.99 price tag only recently removed. He is all but sure what will happen. Without hesitation and bearing a wide grin, Patches throws it on his bare torso and struts across filthy pavement. A buddy, slouching against a chain-link fence, eyes him enviously.
Patches is the sole test subject. The study’s conclusion: The homeless don’t mind wearing out-of-date sports gear, even if it comes with a little baggage. This may not seem like a groundbreaking epiphany — unless you’re a homeless advocate in Miami.
Two months earlier, “The Decision” left all of us up north with seven years’ worth of suddenly worthless, useless, and utterly unwanted LeBron garb, all of it tinged with the pain of another sports heartache and the nationally televised betrayal at the hands of our Chosen One.
The question, besides Why exactly does God hate us so much?, was what to do with the accumulated bounty of the LeBron years. Seconds after James revealed that he was taking his talents to South Beach, one natural option became clear: Fire. A live shot of an improvised jersey bonfire was even depicted on a split-screen during the program, alongside James’ semi-shocked face.
Thanks to the expansion-era Browns and the trade-happy Indians, we have long been a people accustomed to sporting jerseys of players long departed from our fertile shores. But this was different. These would never be worn here again. These were burning effigies before ESPN could cut to commercial.
You'll be happy to know that 1) Over 100 items were collected, 2) They are all now in Miami, 3) More specifically, they've been given out to Miami's homeless.
The full story about the Wino and Gold LeBron Jersey Drive is being written as we speak. Look for it soon.
In the meantime, this photo is just a taste of what's to come.
"King James" is the third in a series including "Air Jordan" and "Kobe". About the New Balance shoe artwork: "The leg is severed because the brand becomes more important than the player as the ever popular shoe culture aims to package the experience. I had my early Air Jordan's stolen and ever since then I have tried to recreate that experience in art. The severed leg is me getting my shoes stolen. I guess Cleveland feels that way now..."
Deep, man, deep.
These pipe cleaner artworks aren't like voodoo dolls, by chance, are they? Any chance Porcella created this the day before LeBron hurt his hammy? Because if so, he should do, like, 972 more.
Jackie Kasburg, a senior at Doylestown Chippewa , had quite the night last Friday.
It began when she got her first playing time on the varsity football team, kicking three extra points in Chippewa's loss to 55-27 loss to Rittman.
That in itself was no small feat. Kasburg hadn't kicked a football until three weeks prior when she asked her father to teach her. The request came after Kasburg noticed that Chippewa's football team was, simply, not very good. Figuring she could do no worse than the boys who produced zero wins to that point in the season, she decided to lend a hand, er... foot.
The day after her one and only lesson, Kasburg tried out for the team during practice. She outperformed the starting kicker and her coach had no choice but to give her the job.
Wolf said Kasburg was able to outkick Mark Bramley, the first-string player they had been using for field goals and PATs (point after touchdowns). Coupled with her sincere attitude about helping the team, Wolf made Kasburg the starting place-kicker.
"She approached me about kicking two weeks into the season," Wolf said. "She outkicked Bramley in practice. She's a solid kicker, who made a 43-yard field goal in practice, but we can't get a touchdown to let her do her thing.
"For what we're trying to create here, she's got all the qualities. She's as good for the program as we've got right now."
And if that wasn't enough, Kasburg was crowned homecoming queen after the game.
If players are scanning the stands for fetching young females during games, it stands to reason that security guards are doing the same thing, and why wouldn't they?
They're standing there, backs turned toward the game, just staring out into the seats. Could get boring. So, yeah, they're glancing around not just for any trouble that might be brewing, but also for some eye candy to keep themselves entertained.
One security guard who worked the Browns game in Cleveland on October 3 must have found something he liked because he got on Craigslist's Missed Connections board and posted a query to a young lass he noticed during the game. It's not enough that he's getting paid to stand there and look menacingly at drunken idiots, now he wants to use Cleveland Browns Stadium as his personal dating service. Here's what he had to say:
Brown's game oct. 3rd 2010 - m4w - 30 (cleveland)
You, isle 146, seat #4 I think, and either 3rd or 4th row up from the field. Me, goatee, security. We exchanged a few smiles. What did you give away to a gentleman sitting close to you. I know the answer, as well as you do. I have pictures of myself to the lady who gets it right. Even if you are not single, I think this could be a start of a friendship.
There you go, girls. If you were in section 146 and you noticed a goateed security guard eye fucking you for the duration of the Browns' win over the Bengals, he would like to get in touch. On the bright side, you know he's got a job.
Saturday night, Chad Ochocinco tweeted that 85 people would enjoy free dinner on his dime at XO.
Ocho's one of those guys it's hard not to love, especially when the filets are on his credit card and he gathers everyone in prayer at the back of the fancy steakhouse and says, "Dear God, we look good." Yep, gotta thank God for that.
One lucky diner wrote about the experience for NewsNet5. Here's what he had to say.
As soon as he walked in the door, fans mobbed Ochocinco with photo and autograph requests, but he had no problem with it. He welcomed the attention and struck up conversation with the fans as cameras flashed in his face.
He walked through the restaurant and thanked everybody for coming, and then brought the group together for a prayer. It was tough to hear him during the prayer, but the part that stuck out is when he said, “Dear God, we look good.”
He joined a family during the meal, and occasionally made his rounds through the restaurant to joke around with the fans, take pictures and shake hands. Despite the mob scene, he made sure to personally greet every person in the restaurant.
The price tag for Ocho? At about $40 a person for food, plus liquor on top, No. 85 was probably looking at a tab of around $10,000.
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