"There's three cities in America that have not put their boob in my drink," Bob Log III declares. "Fargo, North Dakota; Boston, Massachusetts; and Colorado Springs, Colorado. But that's out of a hundred and thirty."
Of course, the baked bluesman has never had such troubles here. "I'm not worried about Cleveland at all," he says with a laugh. This is because during Log's signature tune, "Boob Scotch" -- in which he exhorts a female member of the audience to dip a breast in his drink, which he then shares with the crowd -- a local lass has always obliged.
Log tells us this while traveling in a van -- which he currently lives in with a pair of buxom ladies -- as he makes his way back to town for more revelry.
"I got two Australian dancer girls in the car with me. There's underwear all over the place," he says of the "mutant burlesque" twosome Town Bikes, who are touring with Log. "They've got some routines they do while I'm playing. You're gonna smile. You're gonna smile with a hard-on."
Indeed, it's hard not to get a little loose at a Bob Log gig. Clad in a motorcycle helmet and Evel Knievel-lookin' jumpsuit, Log stomps out spartan, backwoods blues that shake like a drunk's hands. And seeing how his gigs are pretty much a DUI waiting to happen, it's best to come to a Bob Log show prepared for some serious boozing. With this in mind, we asked Log to share with us his 10 favorite drinking songs, the better for us to hone our skills before his upcoming stop at the Beachland.
"Read that list and start practicing," Log instructs.
Roger Miller, "Chug-A-Lug"
"My dad used to play that song all the time. He actually said they made him drink to it till he puked in college. He does have an adverse reaction to it. But the main reason I like it is because of the line about the finagling uncle, because that's pretty much what I grew up with."
George Jones, "The Race Is On"
"It's the live version. That song's not really about drinking, but George is so drunk in this version that I have that he forgets the words right after this breakdown and just kind of goes 'Bluuuh.' It's one of my most favorite things to hear before a show. George is nothing but drunk. Every George Jones song is a drinking song."
Andrews Sisters, "Rum and Coca-Cola"
"'Rum and Coca-Cola/Working for the Yankee dollaaah,'" Log sings. "It's an old, old song, a good-for-drinking song. It's about how women made money off of drunk people."
The Cramps, "Let's Get Fucked Up"
"I got to watch them play that song every goddamn day when I toured with them. One of my favorite live bands ever. The best thing about touring with them is if there were stairs to the fancy dressing room, they'd give it to Doo-Rag [Log's previous band], because Lux [Interior, Cramps frontman] couldn't do stairs in his high heels."
Les Paul, "Smoke Rings"
"It's not about really drinking, but it's about being on the end of it. The broken end of it. It's one of my favorite ends."
Mose Allison, "I Love the Life I Live"
"It's actually by Willie Dixon, but this is the Mose Allison live version. You can hear glasses clinking through the whole entire song. Mose Allison's fantastic, and that version of that song is the greatest -- you can hear people drinking."
Red Foxx, Truck Stop Comedy CDs
"Any single Red Foxx CD that you can get at any truck stop, you constantly hear him drinking after each and every joke. You hear the glass tinkling, you hear him ordering drinks, it's fantastic."
AC/DC, "There's Gonna Be Some Rockin'"
"I had to put an AC/DC song in here, so I picked this one off Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap. You can tell Bon's pretty much drunk. I like it all. As long as Angus is playing guitar, I'm smiling.'"
Bebe and Serge, "Bottle of Wine"
"I chose the Bebe and Serge version, the band I brought along with me the last time I came through. Serge would drink an entire bottle of wine in the course of that song. Although most of it did end up down his pants, that song definitely made me take a drink of something."
Willie Nelson, anything
"This one isn't actually a song. I went to see Willie Nelson, and I got so drunk with my dad -- I drank martinis and this water glass of wine -- that I almost got into a fistfight with a lesbian and ended up puking in a trashcan while Willie was playing something. I don't know what he was playing because I was so drunk. So basically, every time I hear Willie Nelson, I remember puking in a trashcan and getting kicked out of a club, which was really pathetic. They finally let me back in. I'm like, 'C'mon man, I played here once.' It was absolutely ridiculous. I've never been that drunk. I never get in a fight with anyone, and here I am almost trading blows with a lesbian."
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