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What was your most embarrassing sexual moment?
• Caught in the act by my mother.
• Cutting my foot on the bedframe while changing positions.
• There have been multiple times throughout college that I've
had to stop mid-bang and deal with hangover-related issues.
• Getting caught mid-act in the Metroparks.
• Got a nosebleed during oral sex. I thought it was her period. She was
still laughing when I came back from the bathroom with a Kleenex.
• Once I was dating this girl who lived in PA. She was what most people
call a "squirter." Let's just say I didn't throw my clothes far enough
away and ended up driving the two hours home in a soaking wet T-shirt.
• Sharting while laying in bed naked having romantic
What local public servant is actually
pretty hot when you squint just right?
And given 10 minutes alone in that
servant's chambers, what would you do?
• I can't squint that hard.
• Public servant and "hot" don't go
• Ed FitzGerald: I'd do the same I
do for my boyfriend — make his eyes roll
to the back of his head.
• Judge Joan Synenberg: I'd spread
her legs and eat her for lunch.
• Jimmy Dimora: I'd
bribe the shit out of him.
• Maureen Harper, Chief of
Communications for City of
Cleveland: I'd do things that
are only legal in Mexico.
• I love Dennis Kucinich
for his brain: I'd discuss our radical liberalisms for 8 minutes but then before we can do anything else his tall wife comes and forces me out and they
get down to business instead.
• Former WDOK DJ Nancy Alden: I'd strap her
down on the bed and taste her pussy.
• The nude torso on the Justice center:
I would give her head. Natch.
What famous Clevelander would
you most like to bang and why?
Halle Berry and Michael Symon
• Allie LaForce, because she is an
• Betsy Kling ... those dimples and
that ass get me every time.
• Coach Shurmur ... maybe it
will improve the team.
• James Marsden (his grandma
lives here so I think he counts).
• Josh Cribbs: I like a gentleman that didn't
• LeBron ... I think it would be cool to reenact that scene from
Pulp Fiction ... you know the one.
• Lee Jordan. Been wanting to hit that
for a long time.
• Tracy McCool from Fox 8 is way hotter in
person than you'd expect.
• Patricia Heaton. I'd eat that like it was a bowl of ice cream.
• Pre-pregnant Sharon Reed. Never had a black chick.
Best Cleveland-area locale where you can't legally have sex but you did anyway.
• Bathroom at Flannery's Pub.
• Behind the Free Stamp.
• Edgewater Park.
• Huntington Beach.
• Is this entrapment? It sort of feels like entrapment.
• Johnny's restroom.
• Mentor Headlands.
• The Metroparks.
• Nautica Stage at 3 in the morning.
• Parking garage at East Ninth, waiting for traffic to clear out.
• Reptile house at the zoo.
• The Rock Hall.
• The CWRU football field, but watch out for turf burns.
• Tower City Amphitheater, in the middle of a show, on the edge
of a mosh pit during a Flogging Molly concert. She had a skirt
and platform boots. Score.
• Wendy Park.
What's the strangest place you've ever had sex?
• A chapel in a dorm at the University of Dayton.
• A city street fair.
• At school behind a vending machine.
• Boss's office.
• Does a handjob while sitting at the bar and talking to the bartender at the old House of Cues count?
• In the back of an ambulance.
• In the butt — ha-ha, Newlywed Game flashback!
• On my neighbor's roof. Not that great, believe it or not.
• On the observation deck at Perry's Monument on Put-in-Bay.
Quick doggy style interrupted by elevator opening and people
entering the observation area.
• On the shore of Lake Erie in late February — very cold.
Conceived my first child.
• The bathroom of the House of Swing.