This film is the cinematic equivalent of constipation. Theres a great deal of grunting and straining, and much energy is expended, all in the service of producing a turd. Writer/director/star Larry Bishop is the guy putting forth all that effort, and in front of the camera he makes for a compelling screen presence in the lead role of Pistolero. But once Bishop steps behind the camera, he starts straining again with unnecessary nonlinear storytelling, obnoxious editing and dialogue that thinks its hip but just comes across as unnatural and pretentious. Somewhere at the heart of this movie is a decent homage to 70s biker flicks. If you were going down the checklist, everything youd want in such a film is here gratuitous violence and nudity, a cool fuzz-guitar soundtrack, Dennis Hopper, and lots of hairy, filth-encrusted guys riding Harleys. Unfortunately, Hell Ride is too self-conscious to be any fun.