"Hey, Jesse -- it's Aaron Carter. Somebody else just mistook me for you, 'cause of that dirty blond bedhead you're sporting -- which is why I'm calling. Dude, we need to have a talk. You are completely stealing my look and sound. I know you've been in the biz forever, but I'm completely obsolete now, thanks to you. My acting aspirations? Totally eclipsed by your roles on All My Children and as the nonthreatening dreamboat on Summerland -- although bummer about the WB canceling the show, man. And my singing career -- well, sure, I've had a few platinum discs. But you sang with jailbait boy band Dream Street and are now earning the Teen Choice Awards nominations I used to get, because you're Mr. Big Shot TRL. And really, those sensitive-man guitars and goopy strings on "She's No You" and the rest of Beautiful Soul totally sound like an eighth-grader in the throes of puppy-dog infatuation. Ring me up when you have a minute . . ."
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