Savage Love: Four Word Limit 

Dear Dan,

Are you incapable of concision? Your answers are too long! You blather on, often rehashing the problem (unnecessary!) before giving four words (at most!) of (rarely!) useful advice. I've heard you say you have to edit letters down for space. Try this instead: Edit yourself! I want more of the letters—more from the people asking questions—and less of YOU.

Keep It Short, Savage, Expressed Sincerely

Feedback is always appreciated, KISSES.

Dear Dan,

I'm 30, happily married, with my husband since I was 17. First boyfriend, kiss, etc. I never had sex with anyone else. This never bothered me because I wasn't really into sex—but there have been big changes in the last year. I guess I am having a sexual awakening. My sex drive increased, and I've started reading erotica and fantasizing about getting kinky. I've also been having very strong urges to fuck someone else. As someone who always had strong values and opinions when it comes to sex and marriage and cheating, these feelings really confused me! So I found a safe and harmless outlet: Second Life. I created a hot avatar and have been role-playing, talking dirty, and banging people across the world for six months. I love it. I get to experience scenarios I fantasize about but would never do in real life. Before your readers start pulling the cheater card: I have talked about this with my husband, and I have his blessing. He knows I have an SL account and I'm having cybersex. Here's where it gets murky. Most of my SL friends haven't asked if I'm taken in RL, and I haven't told them that I am. I flirt as if I'm single, though, because I'm worried people will treat me differently if they know I'm married. I do not wish to meet or have RL sex with anyone I meet on SL, and I make that clear to everyone. I don't do photos/voice chat/Skype. But if someone asks me if I'm married in RL, I always tell the truth. I'm writing because I'm worried about this one guy. The cybersex is super hot, and he's sweet. He's my go-to guy, and I'm his go-to girl. He knows I have cybersex with other people in SL, and I have told him he is obviously allowed to have sex with others too. But I'm worried our SL relationship has become a bit more. He leaves me messages when I'm not online, telling me he misses me and "loves being with me," and I've said the same to him. I've also made it clear I have no intention of meeting anyone from SL in RL, ever. Regardless of my intentions, I'm worried that I'm crossing the line and being unfair to my husband. I'm also worried that I'm being unfair to my guy in SL, because I'm sure he must think I'm single, even though he has never asked. Am I crossing the line and at risk of hurting my husband/SL guy? Or am I just having some harmless fun that helps me satisfy this strange new itch that's driving me crazy?

Second Lifer And Spouse Haver

P.S. It's important to note that SL has not negatively impacted my RL sex life and, if anything, has made it better. It has also made me happier and less cranky at home.

You're doing nothing wrong, SLASH.

Dear Dan,

My husband and I met our "soul-mate parents" at our daughter's preschool a few years ago, i.e., that rare couple with a kid the same age and the same artistic interests and political values. Our kids instantly bonded and are now BFFs. They have sleepovers, go trick-or-treating together, sled together—little girl heaven. Early on, the guy called my husband and they had a hard-drinking lunch. The guy spilled his guts about a painful previous relationship. It was weird, but we wrote it off. Three years of normal interactions and a kid later, we're really good friends with the wife, while the guy stays in the background. I decided to start up a FetLife profile for fun—my husband and I are monogamish, and this is with his okay—and I find the guy's profile, which clearly states that his wife does not know he's on this site. What do I do? Pretend I never saw it? What if the wife finds out I knew? Do I tell him that I know? Most of all, I worry about the strain this would place on my daughter's friendship. Her heart would be broken.

Has Evidence Louse Parent Making Arrangements

Mind your own business, HELPMA.


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