Savage Love: Had to Get Away 


This is the final week of my summer vacation — but you've been getting a new column every week I've been gone, all of them written by Dan Savage, none of them written by me.

Our final guest Dan Savage is an independent designer, illustrator, and animation director based in Brooklyn, New York. He created Yule Log 2.0 (watchyulelog.com), a collaborative art project where animators around the world reimagine the famous Yule log fireplace. He has worked with the New York Times, Herman Miller, and Google; he's taught design and animation at NYU and SVA; and he's won a bunch of design industry awards you probably haven't heard of.

"I was excited to do this, even though I have no authority on the topic," said Daniel Savage, award-winning independent designer. "But I surprisingly felt pretty confident in my answers, as ridiculous as they may be."

Dear Dan,

My girl and I are both 26, and we opened up our marriage. Now I've got a girlfriend with whom I am getting to have some of the kinky fun that was lacking at home. Here is my question: Things are really casual between me and this new girl. I want to do some pegging, but I don't know who should buy the strap-on? Me, because it's my ass and my idea? Or her, because she would wear it and would also think it was super hot? Should I buy the dildo and she buys the harness? Going halfsies on the whole rig? What is the equitable way of doing this?

— Purchasing Erotic Gear Good Etiquette, Dan?

You're 26 years old, PEGGED, buy the damn thing. How much could it possibly cost? I know if I were in your situation, I would want full control over what goes up my ass. If she owns it, would she use it while you weren't around? With strangers? No thanks. Plus if you split the cost, who gets to keep it when you break up? Just buy it and enjoy. If you struggle with picking it out, might I suggest starting small?

Dear Dan,

I've always enjoyed reading your column — maybe I just get turned on by other people's sexual endeavors or maybe reading about other people's sexual frustrations makes my situation seem better in comparison. So what am I writing about? Well, I suppose the question is this: When does one just become blatantly ungrateful? I've been in a two-year mixed relationship (she's Native and 24, I'm white and 29), and we fight a lot. She cheated on me a couple times early in the relationship. She says I pressured her into getting into a relationship when she wasn't ready to "settle down," which I suppose I could see. My problem is I have a handjob fetish and my girlfriend has a disinterest in it, to the point where she just won't do it. But why am I bitching? I get laid every day for the most part, surprise blowjobs, 69ing, you name it. Should I accept this as fate? But just this morning, we went for round two, and I was having a hard time coming, and out of nowhere she pops up and jerks me off till climax. It really took me back. Would it be bad to fake having coming issues in hopes she does it again? Is that unfair?

— Tugboat Captain

It's interesting that your problem isn't the fact that she cheated on you, TC, or the relationship problems, or the constant fighting. No, it's the lack of handjob enthusiasm. Honestly, man, it seems like you have much deeper issues here — but the handjob problem is the only concrete thing you point to?

To answer your actual question: I would go ahead and fake it. Fuck it, lie to her. It seems like she has no issues lying to you!


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