Busting Balls

Savage Love 

Busting Balls

Dear Dan:

I am a straight 29-year-old guy, and I've been into ball busting — having my balls kicked and stomped — since I was 14. The fucked-up thing is, I only enjoy getting my balls busted by other guys. I've been hit in the balls by girls, and it doesn't do anything for me. I thought I might be bisexual, since I want guys to kick me in the balls, but I don't get turned on by the idea of sucking cock or getting fucked by a guy. Only ball busting with a guy turns me on.

I've tried getting busted by girls, watching videos of girls kicking men in the balls, etc., but I never even get hard from it. Sometimes I can see a good-looking guy on the street and I'll get hard just thinking about his feet kicking my balls. In fact, while sitting here writing this question to you, I'm hard because you're a good-looking guy and I'd love to have you kick my balls.

In my current relationship, I've snuck out and met with guys I've found online to have my balls busted. It feels like I'm leading a double life, but I don't know what to do. I've thought of trying a relationship with a guy, but I don't know how that would work since I'm really not into having any kind of sex with a guy. Just ball busting. I've tried to subdue my urges to get my balls busted, but I can't. I seem to need to get it every couple of months; otherwise I get stir crazy. I'm confused and really just don't know what to do about it.

Balls Smashed to Death

Why does having your balls busted by other dudes turn you on when you're not even remotely interested in other dudes romantically or sexually? No idea. We simply don't know why a person has this, that, or the other kink, BSTD, and almost everyone has at least one sexual interest that is seen as kinky by those who don't share it. But it probably has something to do with your big, complex brain and the way it makes big, abstract, and sometimes seemingly random connections — the kind of connections that lead to syntactical speech, creative intelligence, and crazy-ass kinks.

So take comfort: The fact that you have this kink isn't proof that there's something wrong with you. It's proof that you're human.

But is there anything you can do about your kink?

"These problems are often highly treatable," says Dr. Paul Fedoroff, who is a neuropsychiatrist, a forensic psychiatrist, and the director of the Sexual Behaviors Clinic at the Royal Ottawa Mental Health Centre. "Typically, a low-dose SSRI works magic."

SSRIs, or "selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors," are a class of drugs that are usually prescribed as antidepressants. SSRIs can crater a person's libido, as is commonly known, but they can also, according to Fedoroff, help a person overcome an unwanted sexual interest or compulsion. "I had one patient who used to tie his testes with rope and then hit them with a hammer," says Fedoroff. "He was referred to me by a urologist when he asked for surgical castration. I prescribed an SSRI, and a month later he told me, 'That [was] the craziest idea I ever had.' He had no further interest in 'ball busting' and said his life would have been different if he had found this medication earlier."

Fedoroff isn't the only doctor out there medicating kinksters. In his absolutely terrific book The Other Side of Desire, journalist Daniel Bergner profiles a foot fetishist so paralyzed by shame that he seeks treatment from a shrink who prescribes him a drug that "cures" him. The drug? The "lust-obliterating" Lupron, an anti-androgen that is sometimes used to "chemically castrate" sex offenders.

Now, I'm generally a fan of Western medicine — prescription drugs, invasive procedures, hospital cafeteria Jell-O — but I think taking SSRIs or chemically castrating yourself to suppress an urge to get kicked in the balls six times a year ... that's even more extreme than your kink. You would be better advised, in my opinion, to accept your kink and your contradictions. Yes, your kink will probably shock even women who have a few kinks of their own. But if you present your kink to your girlfriends as just one fun, crazy, weird, hard-to-explain-but-endearingly-quirky aspect of your sexual expression, they're likelier to react to it positively.

Finally, BSTD, another sex researcher urged me to urge you to bank/ freeze some of your sperm in case you wind up busting your balls, like, permanently. Your nuts can take only so much abuse — people have ruptured and even lost testicles when ball busting or sack tapping. As it doesn't take a lot of force to make a guy feel like his balls have been "busted," ask your busting buddies to pull those punches and kicks.

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