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Best Tattoo Parlor
This Ohio City ink shop claims to be the city's only "certified" tattoo joint, which is already persuasive enough. Professional but relaxed and fun, Voodoo Monkey is ideal for nail-biting tattoo virgins and Sailor Jerry veterans alike. With seven tattoo artists specializing in a variety of styles—from traditional Japanese Irezumi designs to Tom Waits tributes to dia de los muertos sugar skulls to classic stars and anchors to punk rock minimalism to ill-advised irony — Voodoo Monkey has you covered. Literally. In awesome tats. And for those who opted for drunken stick 'n poke hijinks or permanent skin memorials to psycho exes back in the day, they do cover-ups like no other.
2070 W. 25th St., 216-664-5658,
With eight damn locations, local chain Dino Palmieri makes it easier than ever to plan a self-pampering girls day out, whether you're with a pack of well-heeled Beachwood moms or a gaggle of mousy Ohio City hipsters. With luxe formulas to suit every skin type, their customized Darphin facials, antioxidant peels, cleavage treatments, botanical Brazilians, aromatherapeutic massages, and, uh, "back facials" for pesky bacne will have you and your girls blissed out and beautiful. They even offer a "just for men" package with a foot treatment, facial, and a Swedish massage with "long, even strokes." Heh.
Various locations, dinopalmierisalon.com
Best Barbershop /Men's Salon
Crazy Mullets is even better known for crazy-cheap prices. How low can a punk get? You can score this season's trendy fascist cut for as little as 18 bucks, but you'll look like a million with rad stylists at two locations. While some may balk at the salon's punk rock pedigree and trashy titular 'do, the chatty staff will make you feel right at home. Peroxided co-owner Ed Maddox has even been known to don a mullet wig while getting to work on your scuzzy locks. With a whimsical attitude and fingers solidly on the pulse of trendy tresses, Crazy Mullets is the go-to refuge for thrifty dudes who've been humiliated one too many times by "Best" Cuts and DIY grooming abominations.
1830 Coventry Rd., Cleveland Heights, 216-320-9891 and 14807 Detroit Ave., Lakewood, 216-712-7733, crazymullets.com
Best bicycle shop
You've spent a long, cold winter in public safety committee meetings in your local town, listening to hyped-up cyclists drone on and on about the need for bike paths and bike accommodations and bike signage and bike-based citizen action groups and bike-shaped statues of Ferdinand Magellan. Now, the weather's kinda warming up and it's time to actually hit the streets on your bitchin' 10-speed. Don't have a bitchin' 10-speed? Then Century Cycles will surely take care of you. The staff members are friendly and knowledgeable about the fine art of cycling. They'll even tip you off to some of the better riding routes in Northeast Ohio. (Hint: NOT West 6th Street.)
Various locations, centurycycles.com
Best locally made product
Great Lakes beer
Living in Cleveland means never having to say, "I wish they served Great Lakes here!" In fact, they say you're not really a Clevelander until you spend a winter extolling the virtues, in a half-understandable slur, of Great Lakes Brewing Company's Christmas Ale. But what's even better than blathering on about its mystical properties is drinking the damn stuff. Great Lakes' brew is indeed a heady delight - and it comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes. Stock up on sixers when you're out and about, but know that you'd be remiss if you didn't stop by the brewery from time to time to taste the latest on-tap only recipes.
2516 Market Ave., 216-771-4404,
Best New Business
The Cleveland Brew Shop
As the homebrewing trend exploded around town, there were plenty of folks doing it, talking about it, drinking the rewards, and heading to places like the Brew Kettle to make their own beer. The problem? Not really that many places to buy the equipment and supplies locally. Paul Benner decided to solve that problem in 2012 when he moved back to Cleveland to open the Cleveland Brew Shop in Tremont. Sporting all the malts and equipment you need to brew up something on your own in your kitchen, Benner also comes stocked with knowledge and tips on how to have that fermenting delight come out tasting delicious. Know nothing or not enough? They also have classes to help you along. 2681 W. 14th St., 216-574-2271,