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Something Corporate 

With New Found Glory, Finch, and Further Seems Forever. Saturday, October 26, at the Agora Theatre.

Something Corporate
  • Something Corporate

Something Corporate writes piano-humping power ballads so gooey, giant wheels of cheese rain down on concertgoers during live performances. Without warning or provocation, a comically oversized block of Gouda can knock you unconscious as you stand transfixed by what is, in essence, the ultimate high school loser revenge fantasy.

Observe: nerdy chump -- forced into piano lessons by his parents and forced into garbage cans and swirling toilets by surly class bullies -- forms an ostensibly "punk" band to back up his little slices of Elton John ennui. He thumbs his nose at the bullies ("If You C Jordan"), ditches his folks for life on the road ("I Woke Up in a Car"), and casts about for his very own "Punk Rock Princess." That these guys actually played the Warped Tour is hilarious. The band's big-shot debut, Leaving Through the Window, basically rehashes Bryan Adams for the flaming-toilet-paper-tossing miscreant punk rock set. It's what discerning Anti-Flag fans throw on when they want to get sensitive, or laid. It contains not a lick of masculinity or punk ferocity. It's also great, designed for gleeful bus-ride sing-alongs similar to that "Tiny Dancer" scene in Almost Famous. Something Corporate just swapped chicken suits for baggy pants. Wouldn't you?

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