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The Comedy Issue: Letters to the Editor of Scene 

Terry Francona NOT deserving of Manager of the Year

Dear Editor,

I was shocked to see that Terry Francona had been named the AL Manager of the Year. The Cleveland Indians had a season to remember, but Tito is getting too much credit for their 2016 success. His lapse in judgment, especially in the use of our starting pitchers, is why we lost the World Series. What should have been our greatest strength against the Cubs ended up being a total flub thanks to his perplexing (and ill-fated) decisions. Just look at who he thought would be the perfect person to first take the mound for Game 1 of the World Series. Kenny. Fucking. Lofton.

Um, what? Lofton hasn't played professional baseball in YEARS and Francona picks a guy THAT WASN'T EVEN A PITCHER to throw out the first pitch? Don't get me wrong — I love Kenny Lofton — but even if he were a pitcher, you know he was coming into the game with more than a little bit of rust on him. And who did Terry "Manager of the Year" Francona pick for Game 2? Carlos Baerga. Jesus Christ, I thought that guy was dead. I gotta give Tito credit for at least knowing to pull them quick and righting the ship by playing Kluber, but what was he thinking in letting these wash-ups take the mound at the start? Give me a break.

Signed, Ed W., Tremont

US Government — Stay out of my home!

Dear Editor,

In the wake of the recent election, I've been getting a lot of criticism for voting 3rd party. As someone that identifies as a Libertarian, I'm proud to have voted for a party that truly believes in small government. Both Republicans and Democrats have proven they're incapable of leading this country and, to make matters worse, both sides seem hellbent on taking away my God given rights as a US citizen. The government has no place within my home or how I choose to live my life. After all, it's none of your business if after a long day at work I decide to go home, lock the door, shut the blinds, and walk around my apartment completely clothed from head to toe. 

What happened to freedom? Liberty? The right to wear as many layers of clothes necessary to protect my skin from the dust? Our American rights are being stripped away, but they won't strip me. I'll double down on my Down jackets, long underwear, and scarves. Wake up, sheep! When one freedom goes, so does another. It won't be long until Big Government tries to stop me from sleeping standing up with every possible light turned on. Well, I won't have it! Don't tread on my threads! Signed, Ken H., Independence

Notable music artist should be written as one.

Dear Editor,

I was flattered to see that Scene had recently published an article revisiting my seminal New Age classic, "A Day Without Rain." While I appreciate the enthusiasm and passion of the writer, I object to her consistent and false claim that I am a glowing, otherworldly ball of light. I'm a person and it's time Scene Magazine do their journalistic due diligence and treat me as such. 

I am not, as your writer seems to think, a "physics-defying, interstellar being, pulsating with gamma rays." My body does not consist of "a million pure metagalactic orbs" nor am I a "threat" to those that look directly at me. These outright lies have done little to help me win over new fans of adult contemporary world music.

I'm confident the author will one day be a talented music writer, however her errors here were glaring and confounding. She should know that "A Day Without Rain" was my 6th studio album, not an "extraterrestrial debut consummated inside of a black hole." The album was produced by Nicky Ryan, not "Space Beast." I write my music like any other songwriter, not by "oozing otherworldly sounds that drip in hypnotic technicolor." While I intend for my music to soothe and comfort the listener, I do not wish for them to enter "an unbreakable state of cryostasis" so that "more of my kind" can "destroy the planet of Earth."

I look forward to reading a corrected version soon. All of the best,

Signed,

Enya, Ireland

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