Never mind Rolling Stone -- here's where the action is.

The Hot List 

Never mind Rolling Stone -- here's where the action is.

Sex and the singlet: Uptown Sinclair frontman Dave - Hill. - STEPHEN R. CUTRI
  • Stephen R. Cutri
  • Sex and the singlet: Uptown Sinclair frontman Dave Hill.
The new issue of Rolling Stone includes the magazine's annual "Hot List," a feature that's about as useless as nipples on a man. All we learned was that Rivers Cuomo likes prostitutes and Jennifer Love Hewitt doesn't smoke, drink, or cuss. That's hot? Nah, here's what's hot -- complete with sexy snapshots, guaranteed to spice up your life. Read on, and feel the mercury rise, along with other things.

Hot Sex Symbol: Dave Hill of Uptown Sinclair

Though Cleveland's population has ebbed in recent years, we expect that to change real quick-like with the onrush of ladies headed to town for a piece of Uptown Sinclair frontman Dave Hill, thanks to his tawdry spread in the latest issue of Spin. Hill was named "Reader of the Month" and honored with a brief column, where he discussed his distaste for people who pose for pictures with small-mouth bass, among other things. The accompanying photo should get pulses a-poundin'. Get a taste for yourself on page 5 of this issue. Nothin' says loving like a man, his bear rug, and his headgear.

Hot Rock Hairdresser: Holly Weller at Dino Palmieri

Where would Jon Bon Jovi be now without those badass, aircraft-encumbering bangs of the '80s? Would Ludacris be so endearing without the Chia hair? Don't think so. Bottom line: The coif is king. Especially if you're a musician. Which is why so many local rockers-in-the-know trust their locks to stylist Holly Weller, who works at the Galleria's Dino Palmieri Salon and from her home, and who does the 'dos of Cobra Verde, Quasi Modo, Louberace, and lots more. Says Dave Hill: "Ever since Holly started cutting my hair, everybody wants to have sex with me all the time. It's almost to the point of annoyance."

Hot Rock Hang: 1300 Gallery's Rock Night, Thursdays at Touch Supper Club

Only the Free Clinic takes in more Cleveland rockers than Rock Night at 1300. Hosted by Larry Szyms, one of the few DJs not afraid to bring the Turbonegro, the night is a veritable Who's Who of local rock movers and shakers, where you can regularly spot members of Disengage, Keelhaul, and Integrity (and their many hangers-on), of which the latter does more posing than your kid sister's Barbie collection.

Hot Self-Promoter: G. Speed

"You've got one man that for some reason God has created who can be Eddie Murphy, Tupac, and Michael Jackson all in one body. How can you lose?" G. Speed asks us, and who are we to argue with the Divine Creator? In addition to Speed's gift of hyperbole, he's also a stand-up comedian whose impersonations have landed him on BET. He's a gifted R&B singer who's cutting an album with a former producer of Atlantic Starr; he's an aspiring rapper working a number of projects; he's also a suprisingly talented artist, who produces a stunning caricature of us as we chat. "I'm tellin' you, man," Speed says, "I'm a walking million dollars."

Hot Diversion: Rock *A* Bowl at Mahall's

Any sport that you can play while holding beer is a sport for us. And a good thing gets even better at Rock *A* Bowl, held the third Friday of every month at Mahall's in Lakewood -- one of the town's best old-school bowling alleys. For $10, you get unlimited bowling, pool, and shoe rental, and an arse-kicking band, normally on the rockabilly tip. The Chopper Car Club usually parks lots of gnarly rides out front, Bob City Fashions sets up shop with sweet vintage threads, and bottles of Rolling Rock can be had for a hangover-welcoming $2.

Hot Band on the Verge: Party of Helicopters

Yeah, the Helicopters are already a known commodity in these parts, but having inked a deal with midlevel label Velocette Records (formerly Capricorn; now home to Jucifer and Beulah, among others) at the beginning of summer, this band is primed for takeoff. Finally getting its first substantial promotional push, the ballsy, beer-lovin' bunch is our bet for 2003's breakout band.

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