As long as there are people who believe in decency and political correctness, there will be bands like Anal Cunt to make fun of them. Massachusetts’ infamous all-nonsense hardcore group has been alienating listeners for more than 20 years, despite numerous lineup changes, many breakups and one coma. For the uninitiated, here’s a simple guide to their catalog: heavily distorted guitar and nonsensical riffs; blast-beat drums in a fast, loose fashion; ludicrous, offensive titles; songs that last less than a minute. That’s about it. Aside for some self-referential lyrics and an album of acoustic love songs, Anal Cunt offer little in the way of substance. Time has yet to tell if singer Seth Putnam, guitarist Josh Martin and drummer Tim Morse will be elevated to music-legend status. But let’s be honest: Anal Cunt exist only to piss you off. And that’s not such a bad thing — as a matter of fact, it’s fairly entertaining. Just make sure to heckle them; if you cheer too much, they may stop playing. Easy Action and Strong Intention kicks things off at 8 p.m. at the Grog Shop (2785 Euclid Heights Blvd., Cleveland Hts., 216.321.5588). Tickets: $10. — Nick DeMarino
Two conductors, two orchestras, two intermissions and two symphonies mark a marathon program for the Cleveland Orchestra tonight. The orchestra’s assistant conductor Tito Muñoz warms up the crowd by leading the Kent/Blossom Chamber Orchestra in Schoenberg’s arrangement of Debussy’s Prelude to the Afternoon of a Faun and Felix Mendelssohn’s Italian Symphony. After the first intermission, the Cleveland Orchestra takes the stage with Jahja Ling for Mussorgsky’s Prelude to Khovanshchina, followed by Dmitri Shostakovich’s Cello Concerto No.1, with Johannes Moser as soloist. After a second intermission, both orchestras team up under Ling’s direction for Antonín Dvořák’s Symphony No. 8. The show starts at 7 p.m. at Blossom Music Center (1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216.231.1111). Tickets: $19-$82, kids under 12 are free on the lawn. — Michael Gill
While many recent additions to the world of folk music think that all you need to be Americana is an acoustic guitar and a bottle of whiskey, the Horse’s Ha create more nuanced and soothing takes on backwoods traditions. The band’s latest album, Of the Cathmawr Yards, offers the sort of wispy, mournful dirges and lazy-summer ballads Bonnie “Prince” Billy plays. These tunes come complete with sorrowful fiddle lines, dusty upright bass, shuffling drum beats and even jazzy undertones. Singers Janet Beveridge and James Elkington — who harmonize with a casual, yet perfected, tone — also help. They add melodic complexity to already well-orchestrated tunes, making the tracks on Of the Cathmawr Yards not only pleasing at first listen, but also well worth those return spins. Golden Ox open at 8:30 p.m. at the Beachland Tavern (15711 Waterloo Rd., 216.383.1124). Tickets: $8. — Matt Whelihan
Three disparate institutions that share a University Circle intersection are joining to sponsor a festival for their community. Hosted by Mt. Zion UCC (10723 Magnolia Dr.), in conjunction with the Western Reserve Historical Society and the Louis Stokes V.A. Medical Center, the Magnolia Drive Community Festival takes place between 105th and 108th streets from 11 a.m.-5 p.m. Packed on that short stretch of street will be a rib cook-off and food of all kinds, a classic car show, the Cleveland Show Wagon, live musical entertainment, health information and screenings, carnival-style games and other activities for kids. Plus, there’s a military color guard with a salute to veterans. It’s free. Call 216.791.5760 for more information or e-mail email@example.com. — Anastasia Pantsios
John Legend is one of the most soulless soul singers around. The 30-year-old Ohio native gets tons of props from fans and critics for bringing R&B back to its old-school roots (his music includes inspiration from the church to ’70s radio jams). Thing is, Legend’s silky-smooth baritone doesn’t have much range. He doesn’t belt out songs like his peers. And he makes it all sound so effortless — almost too effortless, like the dude ain’t even trying. Still, Legend’s ties to Kanye West led to some prime spots on songs by Jay-Z, Lauryn Hill and Alicia Keys before he launched a solo career five years ago. His latest album, Evolver, includes more of the same bedroom soul and piano ballads that have attracted so many fans. But Legend comes off as such a classy alternative to all those other R&B crooners, he turns out to be a major party-pooper at times. There are a few Evolver cuts where he lightens up a little (like on “Green Light,” a club hit with André 3000). But too often Legend’s buttoned-down soul rarely works up enough passion for the bedroom or elsewhere. Legend plays the Nautica Pavilion (2014 Sycamore St., 216.622.6557) with India.Arie opening at 7:30 p.m. Tickets: $31.50-$76. — Michael Gallucci
For more than 30 years, the Lakewood Arts Festival has squandered major party potential by allowing its crowd of 10,000 shoppers to dissipate at the onset of cocktail hour. People come every year to browse blown glass, ceramics, turned wood and all the other things you typically find in white vinyl festival booths. But no one ever thought that maybe all those people would like to keep right on partying for a few more hours — until now. Lakewood Alive executive director MaryAnn Crampton and Lakewood Is Art director Ruthie Koenigsmark are throwing the first-ever Downtown Lakewood pARTy today, and it sounds almost cool enough to distract from that ridiculous capitalization scheme. The music lineup includes funky jazzbos Chris Vance and the Vance Music Studios Trio, punks Kill the Hippies, the bluesy Madison Crawl, garage-rockers Argyle Denial and DJ Tim Lane. The Lakewood Arts Festival starts at 10 a.m.; the Downtown Lakewood pARTy starts at 5 p.m. on Detroit Ave. For information about the Lakewood Arts Festival, go to Lakewoodartsfest.org; for info about the pARTy, go to downtownlakewood.org. A $10 ticket to the latter includes a beer and sandwich. — Michael Gill
In addition to a gig conducting the Zurich Tonhalle Orchestra, David Zinman serves as music director of the Aspen Music Festival and School. He discovered James Feddeck — a student in 2006 through 2008 — there. Feddeck leads the Cleveland Orchestra in Mendelssohn’s Overture, “The Fair Melusina,” which opens tonight’s program. Zinman then takes over to conduct the orchestra with pianist Ingrid Fliter in Schumann’s Piano Concerto and Tchaikovsky’s Symphony No. 5. It starts at 8 p.m. at Blossom Music Center (1145 W. Steels Corners Rd., Cuyahoga Falls, 216.231.1111). Tickets: $19-$82, kids under 12 are free on the lawn. — Michael Gill
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