Carl Monday should be shaking in his gumshoes at Tom Newman, now that the case of "Poo Poo Pee Doo" has been solved.
In his March 20 newsletter, Newman — director of the Flats Oxbow Association
-- bemoaned the driver of a white car, who continuously stopped in front of the agency's offices on Riverbed Street, opened his rear door, and let a "little woofer" jump out to crap in Heritage Park II. The driver kept up the routine twice a day for weeks, never cleaning up after his pooch. Newman finally had enough and jotted down the driver's Ohio license-plate number. "I guess people just figure it's the Flats. Who cares?" Newman wrote. ""We of poo-shoe care, as do our noses!"
Once Patrick Holland read the plea, the executive director of the Cuyahoga County Solid Waste District — ironic, huh? — buzzed his buddy, Cuyahoga Muni Housing Court Judge Ray Pianka, for some help that none of Cleveland television's investigative journalists apparently would provide. Hizzoner was then gracious enough to explain to Newman how he could go online to the Ohio Bureau of Motor Vehicles website
and trace the license-plate number to the owner's address.
After Newman ran the address in a March 30 update, the culprit -- an elderly man with an evidently painful case of arthritis — has been making the effort to get out of his car with a plastic bag in hand to scoop up after his canine.
"When I first saw him get out of his car, I sorta felt sorry for him," says Laura Furjanic, the Oxbow's assistant director. "But the case has been solved, and the man hopefully has a clear conscience." As clear as everyone else's noses, we assume. — Cris Glaser