For the four old ladies who still read Cleveland’s Incredibly Shrinking Daily Newspaper™
, the worst day of the week is Monday. Most reporters have weekends off, save for the poor sap chained to the police scanner and praying for continued static. So almost all the stories in Monday’s paper were written a few days, sometimes weeks, in advance. (Sunday papers operate the same way, but on Sundays, at least 14 people read the paper, so editors pack it with their best stories).
All of which is our way of trying* to explain how in the hell the front-page story of today’s Plain Dealer came to be.
It’s a story about a girl and her bovine. Under the headline “Groomed for goodbye,”
the Plain Dealer launches a five-part series – seriously, five parts -- as in there are four more left – no, seriously, five
– I swear to God -- exploring the world of 15-year-old Claudia Derov and her steer named “Bentley,” as she prepares him for the Great Geauga County Fair. It will follow them through the fair, following which Bentley will be turned into several Big Macs and, if he’s lucky, Victor Martinez’s new mitt.
This series will wrap up next month and, say insiders, will be followed by an even more riveting, six-part series called “Public Square: Sometimes, There Are Weird People There.” – T.K. Kim
*Editor’s Note:We realize this explanation falls hopelessly short. For a better explanation, try the Plain Dealer newsroom at firstname.lastname@example.org.