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Friday, September 28, 2007

Fifty Reasons I Can't Read Regina Brett

Posted By on Fri, Sep 28, 2007 at 2:17 PM

If you’ve been reading Plain Dealer columnist Regina Brett for the past five years, you probably either A) find yourself angrily lashing out at your friends and family for no apparent reason, or B) own at least three sweaters embroidered with kitten faces on them. You also may remember the column Brett wrote five years ago, on her 45th birthday, in which she listed her 45 life lessons. (Remember those sappy motivational posters in high school classrooms that first inspired you to start wearing black lipstick and drinking your friends’ blood? Yeah, that kind of stuff). ... Thankfully, you thought, Brett had gotten it all out of her system, and you would never again have to read about living for today or crying to heal, and would be free of one-liners like, “Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.” [Cue vomit-track]. But you thought wrong. Last week was Regina Brett’s 50th birthday, and you know what that means . . . [Cue “Halloween” soundtrack]. Presented here, without interruption, are Regina Brett’s “45 Life Lessons, and 5 to Grow On.” At least this time, Plain Dealer editors had the foresight to throw it on the blog instead of in the paper. Drum roll . . . 1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good. 2. When in doubt, just take the next small step. 3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. 4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. 5. Pay off your credit cards every month. 6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. 7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone. 8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it. 9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck. 10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. 11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. 12. It's OK to let your children see you cry. 13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about. 14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it. 15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks. 16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying. 17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today. 18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write. 19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else. 20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer. 21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special. 22. Overprepare, then go with the flow. 23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple. 24. The most important sex organ is the brain. 25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you. 26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?" 27. Always choose life. 28. Forgive everyone everything. 29. What other people think of you is none of your business. 30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time. 31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. 32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch. 33. Believe in miracles. 34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do. 35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. 36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young. 37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable. 38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion. 39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere. 40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back. 41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now. 42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful. 43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. 44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. 45. The best is yet to come. 46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. 47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind. 48. If you don't ask, you don't get. 49. Yield. 50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift. -- Jared Klaus
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