Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Paul Byrd Discusses God, Drugs, and Porn

Posted By on Wed, Oct 24, 2007 at 10:15 AM

byrd.jpg
"Did I ever tell you guys about how much I love porn?"
Who knew Paul Byrd would be at the center of the most interesting story surrounding the Indians after their colossal collapse against the Red Sox? Travis Hafner drinking elk semen? That I would have believed. C.C. buying a Big Mac? I always assumed he lived in a McDonald's. But Paul Byrd taking HGH for three years? Really? How come my grandmother can throw faster than him then? Wouldn’t HGH get your fastball up to, like, 65? The original story in the San Francisco Chronicle broke Sunday morning (What's that? MLB steroid investigator George Mitchell is on the board of directors for the Red Sox? No way!). ... Then Byrd gave an interview to Fox Sports admitting the whole thing. With one exception: He was prescribed the HGH for a tumor on his pituitary gland that has caused him to suffer from adult human growth hormone deficiency. Never mind that he got it from a dentist. Then, after claiming that the Indians and MLB knew about his HGH use ($25,000 over three years, covering 2002-2005, purchasing his last vial one week before it became illegal in baseball), the Tribe says it first learned about Byrd’s HGH use the Friday before the story broke. And Major League Baseball? They claim to have never given Byrd an exemption to use HGH to treat any sort of disease. (Obviously, they should talk to his dentist. For that matter, so should Travis Hafner.) But here's where it gets weird. This is all on the heels of an interview Byrd gave to ESPN last week sharing details of his autobiography. He discussed his struggles with God and porn, among other topics. Yes, Paul Byrd has struggled with porn, as the following excerpt disturbingly proves:
ESPN: You describe this book as being graphic. How so? Byrd: It's not a politically correct book. It's not for a young audience. It's for people in their 20s and 30s that go through similar battles, like with pornography. I've had a real struggle with pornography, from before I became a Christian, when pornography was the good old American way. After I became a Christian, it really began to bother me, but God didn't really take it away. I struggle with porn one night, and somebody asks me a question about Jesus the next day in the outfield, so you feel like a hypocrite trying to share. It's the elephant in the locker room.
Wait. Let me get this straight. Baseball players care whether you watch porn or not? People ask about Jesus in the outfield? Are you sure they weren’t talking about the best movie ever, Angels in the Outfield? Isn’t the elephant in the locker room not thinking about sex every minute? (Editor's note: It will soon become clear to you, as it recently has to us, that the author of this blog entry appears to have taken too many painkillers, washed down with whiskey and self-hate, in the aftermath of the Indians' loss. Carry on). More importantly, if Jesus loves performance enhancing drugs, which he obviously must if Paul Byrd felt okay about using HGH, and if Jesus hates porn, which he obviously must since Paul Byrd says so, how does Jesus feel about the preponderance of porn stars using Viagra to enhance their performances in porn? It's pretty clear George Mitchell needs to investigate. -- Vince Grzegorek

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