Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Sports Crank That Coup: With Andy Back, LeBron and Co. Dance Around the Boos

Posted by Joe Tone on Wed, Dec 12, 2007 at 2:14 PM

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Cavs fans weren’t sure how they were going to greet Anderson Varejao in his return to the team. After all, he and his agent, Dan Fegan, did just execute some super-sneaky maneuvering on Danny Ferry, who’s like our uncle that we barely love. And even though Varejao missed a quarter of the season, ruined his good-guy image, and signed for less money than the Cavs originally offered, Fegan is so conniving we can’t help but assume that this is all according to his master-plan. It's sort of -- exactly? -- like when Jack Nicholson's Joker was thrown into that vat of acid. We see his hand sticking out, grasping the air, and we just know his diabolical ways are far from done screwing the Cavs. Then again, maybe not; who knows? (For the record, Brian Windhorst doesn't).
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Despite all the underhandedness, though, it is still Andy Varejao, and it is still his hair — the same mop debated on blackhairmedia.com and reported on from Japan. Anyway, the fans couldn't boo if they wanted to, because LeBron got all Karl Rove on our asses, master-minding (or so he claims) a political coup on the fans by coming off the bench at the same time as Varejao. Cavs fans can’t even say the word “boo” as LeBron comes into a game, lest a vicious tsunami form on Lake Erie and destroy Quicken Loans Arena. Shit, booing is overrated anyway, when the team plays like this. Everybody did everything right, which included the Pacers sucking and, late in the fourth-quarter, LeBron executing to perfection the “Soulja Boy” dance for an entire two-minute timeout. The jumbo-tron operators were on point too, unveiling a short that had mascot Moondog running from a guy in a Vick jersey. (It’s called Kick Him While He’s Down, and it feels great.) Then there was the promotion for free Taco Bell chalupas if the Cavs scored 100, which had the stadium chanting “CHA-LU-PA” for a solid minute when the team was stuck on 98. Whoever came up with that is the LBJ of marketing. Speaking of LeBron, having a locker next to him seems like it would be great — hand-me-down diamonds and unwanted Faberge eggs — but Sasha Pavlovic can attest: it means eating pizza in your bath towel and watching LeBron speak to reporters for half an hour every night before the hoard disperses so you can change. Tonight at least, LeBron wasn’t the only attraction for the reporters. Varejao tried to thwart us all with the very-long-shower trick, but a small crowd stuck it out. “Me flashback to no speak english,” he joked when he saw us waiting, before shutting down all talk of his hold-out and, even more cruelly, his opinion on Aveda's new line of conditioners. Lastly, when TVs showed ESPN’s footage of Atlanta’s Al Horford walloping Toronto’s T.J. Ford in the face, the Cavs in the locker room were indignant. Ford, who missed the 2004-05 season with neck problems, was carted from the court on a stretcher. The players speculated that his career is over. LeBron, God bless him, speculated that somebody shoulda got his ass beat. “Toronto didn’t fight?” he said, watching the ugly replay. “Nobody on Toronto did nothing? That crazy.” -- Gus Garcia-Roberts

Comments (7) RSS

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I have no idea what this story is about, but does anyone have a clip of yesterday's Channel 19 coverage of LeBron's sprained finger where they did a close-up of it when he was sitting with his hand was resting on his thigh, and they caught a shot of his pants caressing his sac to show a perfect, mouthwatering outline of his ... umm ... basket?

Posted by FingerLickin' on December 12, 2007 at 5:59 PM | Report this comment
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Any real Lebron James fan MUST come through and check out the latest King James anthem, "WITNESS" from Ohio's own PLAY HAVOC...featured on the new Lebron/Nike mixtape, mixed by Mickboogie! http://www.myspace.com/playhavoc

Posted by Play Havoc on December 12, 2007 at 6:35 PM | Report this comment
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LeBron is supposed to be your leader? That child just endorsed a fight between players that play a game. There was no malicious intent, Horford felt very sorry and apologetic. If he's trying to imply that Toronto is soft, maybe he should take a cue from Jose Calderon. His finger was dislocated during that game BUT he came back right away to lead his team to victory. You don't see him sitting out a few games and let his team lose in his absence.

Posted by TheCleave on December 13, 2007 at 1:02 AM | Report this comment
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he may have been apologetic but the foul was stupid. if horford is that unathletic that he would smack his head like that, then we have a problem.

Posted by steve on December 13, 2007 at 1:32 AM | Report this comment
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Im a shotblocker and i will tell you for the record that WAS intentional. The fact is he swiped down on the man's face. If he was going to block the shot like he says, he would be waiting to time his swipe when the ball is released near the backboard. When Ford made his move toward the other side of the glass, Horford quickly decided to give a hard foul and (hopefully) catch him on the shoulder but instead caught him on the face. You can control how you foul a guy so that he doesnt get hurt and he didnt do that. The only reason Horford didnt get his ass whipped was because everyone was so worried about Ford's Neck. Horford made it out of there without getting hit this time, but i know there better not be a next time.

Posted by WHAT DA HELL on December 13, 2007 at 8:46 AM | Report this comment
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When has Lebron's bytch ass ever been in a fight? I bet he fights like Kobe

Posted by Ron Artest on December 13, 2007 at 11:39 PM | Report this comment
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lebron doesn't have to fight. people do that for him. and ron artest is a criminal.

Posted by scott on December 15, 2007 at 3:00 AM | Report this comment

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