Wednesday, February 6, 2008

I concede, but I’m still hotter than Maureen Kyle

Posted By on Wed, Feb 6, 2008 at 12:10 PM

"There's little doubt Becky Meiser is the hottest reporter in the city," says Becky Meiser
Last week, after succumbing to overwhelming groundswell among my supporters, I declared my candidacy for the Sexiest Reporter in Cleveland. It turns out that this was technically against the rules, which say you have to be “officially nominated.” But because the blog running the competition, Political Science 216, loves publicity almost as much as I do, it decided to create a sub-category: “Knowing what you know now, would you have voted for Rebecca Meiser in the sexiest reporter in Greater Cleveland competition?” …
"Maureen Kyle is obviously not as hot as Becky Meiser," Becky Meiser said in her concession speech today
Voters had until 11 p.m. last night to cast their ballots. I garnered 74 votes. Maureen Kyle, that shiny, red-nosed bitch from WKYC, received 61 votes. But it appears Political Science 216 hired the same election workers who ran Florida’s 2000 presidential election. Somehow, she was still declared the winner. Normally, a travesty of this magnitude would require fierce protests, calls for investigations, and pounds of little lawyers hurling mean paperwork in every direction. But as you know, I’m a big person – far bigger than that bitch Maureen Kyle, that’s for sure. So to avoid tearing this city apart, to circumvent the division of Northeast Ohio into dueling camps of hotness, I wish to magnanimously concede. It’s been an invigorating week of campaigning as I’ve gone door-to-door to the twelve people who live on my floor of my apartment building. As I’ve pretended to listen to you, I’ve been struck by just how deserving I am of this title. Thank you so much for your support. Unfortunately, despite our best efforts, victory remains elusive. Although we continue to receive tips from all over the blogosphere of systematic voter intimidation, I have made the decision not to challenge these results. I do, however, call upon PoliticalScience216 to conduct a full investigation, so that all Clevelanders can be sure that in future elections their voices will be heard, and I will win next time. Throughout this campaign, I have consistently stood against large corporate interests infecting our city’s reporting. Though I wish not to sound bitter – even though I totally am – my opponents were largely agents of these corporate interests, offering the same old inside-the-innerbelt reporting that Clevelanders have grown to distrust. I was the only candidate who shunned corporate contributions, funding my campaign entirely through the nudie-bar ads found in the back pages of my paper. But make no mistake: I will continue fighting for the title of Cleveland’s sexiest reporter. Because it’s so obvious I am. Thank you and good night. – Rebecca Meiser

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