The Latest Sign of Impending Doom:
Jay-Z and the lovely Beyonce got married Friday in New York
. LeBron did not attend the ceremony.
How It Went Down in Cleveland’s Mind:
Sure, it might have been hard for LeBron to logistically make it to the wedding, what with a game against Chicago on Thursday in Cleveland and another game against Orlando in Cleveland on Saturday. ...
However, we prefer to think that his lack of attendance at the ultra-posh ceremony portends some sort of fracture in the relationship between LeBron and his mentor/financial adviser/future boss/BFF, Jay-Z.
Who doesn’t go to their best friend’s wedding? You break laws, break rules, piss off girlfriends, spend money you don’t have, steal cars, rob banks, and generally do anything you have to in order to make it to your best bud’s nuptials. If he’s going to Vegas, you go. If he’s getting married to a raging bitch, you suck it up and go. If he’s having a voodoo ceremony in Africa where your right leg will be chopped off as a sacrifice to the gods, you go, and deal with the prosthetic limb later. And if you have to miss a basketball game when your team is making a push to the playoffs, you do it.
Furthermore, if you’re the one getting married, you certainly don’t schedule it when your best friend can’t make it. What’s up with that, Hova? We’re no relationship experts, but it seems to us that right now, of your 99 problems, at least one is your obviously weakening relationship with LeBron.
The point: LeBron and Jay-Z obviously aren’t as close as people think, which clearly means LeBron is never leaving Cleveland, ever.
The LeBron James Threat Level: