Thursday, April 10, 2008

Dick Feagler: Back in my day, they had real sex scandals

Posted By on Thu, Apr 10, 2008 at 12:37 PM

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Today's topic: Dick thinks Attorney General Marc Dann doesn’t know how to do a proper sex scandal I was at the coffee shop, and the guys all agree: Politicians are wimps when it comes to sex scandals these days. Back in our day, if an attorney general got caught with an aide wearing pajamas, we wouldn’t have called it a sex scandal. We wouldda called it a preseason game with the babysitter, like playing the Jets and you’re only using your third-stringers. And if it didn’t involve a bearded lady from the circus or a truck load of cod, we wouldn’t be yammering about it in the newspaper, that’s for sure…
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Back in my day, it wasn't a sex scandal if the dame couldn't sing along with Connie Francis.
Why, back in my day, every attorney general had a trollop parked somewhere. They had names like Patty and Mary Jean, and they were gonna attend secretarial school someday. But the meantime, they were happy to go shopping at Higbees, sing along with Connie Francis on the jukebox, and take a roll in the hay when Mister came home for lunch. Sometimes they wore nighties with fluffy stuff on their collar. Me and the guys all thought that was the cat’s pajamas, especially since you could dust the mantel with your neck. But I was at the coffee shop, and all the guys agree: This broad Dann’s shacking up with probably doesn’t even know any Connie Francis. Why, I bet she couldn’t hum the chorus of “Who’s Sorry Now” to save her cat from cancer. And don’t even get me started on how wimpy cancer is these days. Back in my day, if you caught the Big C, you wasted away in a bed watching black and white TV and eating chicken soup the neighbor lady brought by. It wasn’t like these wuss cancers they have today, where you go to the hospital, they give you a shot, and then some insurance swell throws you out… This has been another deep insight from Dick Feagler. We now return to our regularly scheduled programming...

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