Tell us, little Forbes guys: How do you explain Jose Mesa?
Among the things Clevelanders have to feel miserable about these days, sports shouldn’t be high on the list. The Cavs, Indians, and Browns have finally blessed us with a trifecta of non-suckitude. And with banks collapsing, the county commissioners giving away billions of dollars, and our economy playing like the Kansas City Royals, you might say we have more important stuff to worry about.
Still. Over the last 25 years, no city’s sports fans have suffered the way Cleveland’s have. That’s why C-Notes nearly threw itself off the Prog’s Party Deck when it read Forbes’ list of “America's 10 Most Miserable Sports Cities.”
It seems the business magazine’s resident pointy-heads consider our suffering only the eighth most excruciating the country. Eighth!
Among the supposedly more aggrieved: Phoenix, which won a World Series in 2001; Denver, which won a Super Bowl in 1998 and played in the World Series last year; and the No. 1 team, Atlanta, whose Braves recently won, like, 47 division titles in a row.
Meanwhile, Cleveland hasn’t won a championship since mothers were naming their kids Lyndon. We’ve endured baseball heartbreak rivaled only by the canceling of Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place. And our beloved football team was once stolen by a guy who reeked of Stetson’s and evil.
So please, Forbes, adjust your list. Your attempts to make us feel less miserable are making us really, really miserable. – Joe P. Tone