If you’re anything like C-Notes, Tax Day makes you want to drink. A lot. Especially if you, like C-Notes, spent any part of your day in any branch of the U.S. Post Office. It makes you want to drink enough rounds of Goldschlager so that you can pick the pieces of gold out of your shot glass and mail them to the I.R.S. to settle your tab.
So go ahead and raise a glass or eight tonight, but don’t go anywhere near E. 55th Street and Thackeray Avenue between 6:30 p.m. and midnight. In honor of “Wait, the tax rate is HOW much?!” Day, the police will be hosting a festive DUI checkpoint there, with handcuffs and everything. So we advise avoiding it. Or even better, getting your annoying friend—the one who religiously funds his 401-k and is expecting a tax refund this year – to be the sober guy for the night. He doesn’t need the drink. You probably do. -- Tori Woods