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Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Joe Borowski blows another save; writer advocates killing innocent ponies

Posted By on Tue, Apr 15, 2008 at 8:07 AM

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Over here, Pinky. Behind the shed. Grandpa has a treat for you
Theiona diaevion aeionfvaewoivna!!!?!? Lidsj navienvae!! Hiag!!?@! Ghai;oehg!! $#&%*#&%!! Dihweof weonaweovi oeivna!! Roughly translated: F*#k!!!!!! My mother’s parents lived on a farm in Farmer City, Illinois. Population 2055, according to the 2000 census. We’d go out there once or twice a year to visit, frolic in the middle of nowhere, and check out what the whole farming life was like. My grandfather had a horse named Pinky that had been around since my mother was a child. Pinky was small and generally useless, but she was great with kids, prancing around eating grass and taking us out for rides to look at silos and such. She was good with kids – for a while. ... There came a distinct point when you knew Pinky was too damn old and went beyond uselessness territory and straight into being dangerous. Where once she would happily trod around her small enclosure with one of us grandkids on her back, suddenly she would fly into a death sprint as soon as she felt some bony-ass kid climb aboard. Her mission seemed to be to kill you, and if she broke her legs trying, that just meant the sweet release of death would come all the sooner. My grandfather eventually saw this, and knew there was no hope that Pinky would return to her sweet ole self. Either he killed Pinky, or Pinky killed one of his grandchildren. You probably see where this is going. Yes, Joe Borowski has reached Pinky territory, except that I think Pinky could throw faster, even with the hooves. JoeBo entered the game after another solid effort from resident hard-luck loser of the year Jake Westbrook (6.1 innings, 7 hits, 2 runs, 5 K, 3 BB), and some generally mediocre but effective relief pitching from Rafael Betancourt, mediocre in that he once again gave up a dinger, but effective because he kept the Tribe ahead. And then Joe Borowski entered the game. 4-3. All of 11,000ish people left at the Prog shaking their heads like a wise old grandfather with 50 years of farming experience knowing just as well when it’s going to rain and when a horse should be popped in the temple while the grandkids are out shopping with grandma. Raise your hand if you didn’t know what was going to happen. Seriously. Anybody? I don’t care that the season is young, that JoeBo led the AL in saves last year, or that it’s premature to overreact this way. This isn’t one of those cases when someone is performing vastly under expectations and will eventually come around. This is how the season is going to go if no changes are made. JoeBo’s 83mph fastballs aren’t suddenly going to become magic dancing beans that no one can hit. JoeBo’s fastballs are only going to continue to become souvenirs. Sure, the season is young, but that’s even more reason to make a change soon. Give Kobayashi or Betancourt time to get used to the closer role before things get too far out of hand. And please, save Borowski from himself, before he starts killing someone’s grandchildren. – Vince the Polack
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