Everyone knows that smoking makes you cooler. But few seem to acknowledge the sacrifice in being so cool.
Smokers are the martyrs of our time. Like Joan of Arc and Sir Thomas Moore, the nicotine-addicted greatly sacrifice themselves for the public’s greater good. And we should humbly thank them.
Not only have they forsaken spewing out chemical-laden clouds indoors for your health, but they also pick up the tab whenever their fellow Americans call, be it for arts programs
or sports stadiums
. And just this month, they were asked to relinquish funding for programs to help them quit, just so your really smart kids can get jobs here in Ohio rather than fleeing to sphincter towns like San Francisco and New York…
And is if they haven’t done enough for you and your offspring, last week they were told they could even wolf tasty American tobacco products outdoors – at least in North Royalton.
The Cleveland suburb announced that smoking in public parks, around baseball diamonds, and in the bleachers of soccer fields is officially banned
. In fact, smoking on any city-owned grounds – even in one’s car – earns the first-time violator a $10 fine, jumping to $150 for any offense after that.
Surely more bans in more places are to come, so that smokers will eventually be forced to linger in the catacombs and sewers of our fair cities, only to emerge to pay for your new community centers. Because just like the saints before them, smokers are a resolute bunch, willing to sacrifice themselves for a world that so desperately needs their help. – Denise Grollmus