(Editor's note: This blog more or less reinforces every criticism of the blogosphere and its lack of credibility. But f**k it! Making s##t up is fun!)
On Tuesday night, Bob Costas hosted a town-hall meeting on HBO regarding the state of sports and the media. The now infamous program, at least among nerdy internet types, featured a section on the role of bloggers, which you can see in the above video. Will Leitch, editor of Deadspin.com, Buzz Bissinger, author of Friday Night Lights, and Braylon Edwards, wide receiver for the Cleveland Browns, were the members of the roundtable that debated, among other things, Rich Garces' tits, Matt Leinart’s beer bong, and somebody named Big Daddy Balls. Thought-provoking stuff.
Why the hell Braylon Edwards was up there debating blogging is beyond us, and probably beyond you, since he really couldn’t get a word in edgewise after Buzz ambushed Leitch. In fact, Braylon didn’t get to speak for the first eight minutes of the segment. ...
Of course, here in Cleveland, we’re most concerned with Edwards’ appearance. He could have slipped on Buzz’s spittle and torn up his knee! What was he doing there?
It’s difficult to gather much from the approximately 20 words that Braylon was allowed to speak, but thankfully, we here at C-Notes are privy to his inner thoughts – sort of like how Buzz Bissinger is privy to the thoughts of the antique abacus he keeps on his desk. We can tell you what Braylon was thinking just like Buzz can tell you that calculators really “piss the shit out of” the abacus with their ability to do higher math.
So, yeah, here’s what Braylon was thinking:
0:14: What? This is about sports? I thought this was a damn fashion roundtable. Whatever. I look damn fine right now. These guys are a sartorial embarrassment to sports writers, and that’s saying something.
1:01: They are never going to ask me a question. And when they do, I bet it won’t even be about where I bought these fine Italian leather shoes I’m wearing right now. They probably don’t care that they cost $4789.56. – per shoe. I bet Costas won’t ask me about them ‘cause they’re nicer than his shoes. You can tell a lot by how much a man spends on his shoes, and by looking at Bobby’s over there, I can tell that on a $18.50 tab at a restaurant, he would ask for his change back. The poorly dressed midget.
2:23: I swear to God if these two start fighting and someone gets blood on my suit I’m going to strangle them with my $2,567.89 necktie. Blood just doesn’t come out of this fabric.
4: 34: Alright, Braylon, they have to be getting to you soon. Just remember, you look damn sexy right now. I know you’re left ass cheek is getting numb and the right one is kind of swampy, but if you move just one inch, you won’t look perfect anymore. Just get through it. Think happy thoughts. Brady Quinn, Brady Quinn, Brady Quinn.
8:15: Oh, they’re talking to me now, and like I surmised earlier, it’s not about the number of carats in my earrings. No, I don’t write blogs. No, I really don’t read blogs. No, I don’t want my picture taken by a blog while beerbonging with underage girls in a hot tub. Dude, this Will guy talks too fast.
8:34: I bet Costas isn’t asking me more questions because I look better than he does right now. I think he’s jealous of my beard.
-- Vince the Polack