Good afternoon, Cleveland. Here's some stuff to read as you eagerly anticipate your nervous breakdown tonight.
— Thomas Edison is the winner of the popular vote in Ohio and will be the subject of the next state statue to be sent to the National Statuary Hall in D.C. Ohio also wants one created of LeBron, but that one's just to smash and burn. (Columbus Dispatch)
— A park in Chagrin will have to go without some new state-of-the-art toilets that city officials had hoped to install. Turns out they are expensive and largely untested. Northeast Ohioans volunteer to test them for free if pictures of LeBron James are placed in the toilets. (Chagrin Valley Times)
— Cuyahoga County will end up paying a law firm over $240,000 for consultation on county corruption issues. Jimmy Dimora allegedly claims he doesn't get out of bed for less than $250,000, then clarifies that he rarely gets out of bed at all. (Cleveland.com)
— The Federal Rail Administration chastised a handful of states with poor safety records at rail crossings. Ohio had 344 accidents over the two-year period studied. Cavs fans volunteer to test new safety measures by pushing some of LeBron's luxury cars onto tracks across the city. (Ohio.com)
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