We chronicle dumb criminals on this blog not just for the enjoyment of you the reader, but also as a public service to would-be criminals out there. These, folks, are mistakes not be repeated.
Obviously someone didn't read our previous installments on thieves caught by cops because they left footprints in the snow, because it happened again.
THEFT, BENDER ROAD: An officer patrolling the area on Dec. 7 became suspicious after noticing fresh footprints in the snow leading up to several vehicles that were parked in driveways. The officer, who followed the tracks down Bender Road to Sugar Ridge Road, spotted the suspect they belonged to running through a field. Following a pursuit, the suspect, a 26-year-old Elyria man, was apprehended. He had several stolen items in his possession and was subsequently arrested for theft, among other crimes.
2010 will be done and over come this weekend, and what a year it was. LeBron left, the Cuyahoga County Corruption All Stars went down, voters opted to enter 2011 with a new form of government, the Browns had another quarterback controversy, the Indians found new and exciting ways to be irrelevant, and Cleveland was granted a lingerie football team.
What Scene stories captivated your little hearts this year?
Good question. Lucky for you, we have the answer.
Here are the top ten most-read stories from our pages, both virtual and real, since January. Let's enjoy a nostalgic trip down memory lane, shall we?
10. Q&A With Brian Windhorst on His Departure to ESPN: Brian Windhorst took a job with ESPN after LeBron left for Miami. People were upset. We talked to him.
9. Colondra Hamilton Charged For Masturbating, Watching Porn While Driving: Oftentimes there's little rhyme or reason as to what we pick to write about. There is one rule however: If you get arrested for masturbating and watching porn while driving, we will absolutely share your tale with the world.
8. Cher is Cranky She's Not in Rock Hall Yet : Cher thinks she and Sonny Bono should be in the Rock Hall. Our music editor quips: "'I Got You Babe' is a great song, but nobody — not even Cher's super-gay fans — can name another song they did."
7. Columbus too obese for ambulance stretchers: You know what makes us depressed for humanity? When fire departments have stretchers that can carry a 650-pound person but need to buy new stretchers because too often they come across a person weighing 1000 pounds.
6. Lakewood High Won't Let Injured Student Wear Sweatpants : Another tale of brazen incompetence in our public schools. It especially upset us because we wrote that story while wearing sweatpants.
James Franco's grandmother, Mitzi Levine Verne, is a pretty prominent Clevelander, if you didn't know. She owns the Verne Art Gallery and, as a rule, is generally cool, as you can see for yourself in the video below, which was taken as Grandma Verne was in California to visit her uber-famous grandson for Christmas.
Yeah, she thinks you're a bunch of pussies.
This blog will be shut down for the holidays starting right this very minute. Let there be joy and mirth and booze and food and loved ones for all of you. At the very least, booze.
Here's "Fairytale of New York" by the Pogues, the best Christmas song ever, to get you in the spirit.
We'll see you back here Monday, all you scumbags, bums, punks, sluts, and maggots.
The New York Times posted an article about the Tribe's Snow Days festivities and here's just about the only interesting thing to take away from the piece:
Encouraging that habit would seem particularly important for the Indians, who drew fewer fans — 1,391,644 — than any other major league club this season. Although the Indians expect to take a financial loss on this year’s Snow Days, it does serve as a form of creative advertising for the team.
Insert your own Cleveland Indians joke here.
Tis the season... to see images of Jesus on completely random pieces of food.
Last week we had the Ohio man who claims there's an image of Jesus and Mary on a piece of candy.
This week it's an Ohio woman who claims there's an image of Jesus on a pistachio nut.
Yep, a pistachio nut.
Peyton Hillis rushed for 144 yards during the Browns' first meeting with the Baltimore Ravens this year.
Hillis ranks 10th in the league in total rush yards (1129), is tied for 3rd in rushing touchdowns (11), and, oh yeah, ranks 1st in Awesomeness, Cool Facemasks, and Bodies Run Through.
That does not impress Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis however.
Here's what he had to say Wednesday about Hillis:
“A blind cat will find a meal every once in a while. We understand the two big runs we gave up against them.”
Nice truism there, Ray. Here's another one: Even the incredibly-guilty-looking and blind cat will be acquitted of murder charges every once in awhile.
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