Monday, February 28, 2011

Smuggling Pot Inside a Hamburger Is a Plan Doomed to Failure

Posted By on Mon, Feb 28, 2011 at 3:33 PM

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The Guthrie Job Corps Center in Logan County runs a tight ship. Visitors to the center, which is a vocational and residential training facility run by the U.S. Department of Labor, must pass by security guards and face inspections before being allowed inside. So it's perhaps not wise to try and smuggle drugs in, just sayin'.

Fox 8 reports 20-year-old Jovanny Monreal, a guy whose very name should qualify him to work in independent films and not slave away at a vocational center, had a visitor the other day, one making a special delivery.

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Everything Is Flooded

Posted By on Mon, Feb 28, 2011 at 2:22 PM

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Chances are if you're reading this you are under water. Perhaps in a submarine. Maybe just doggy paddling it to the mailbox. We were going to brief you on the list of roads and cities that are currently submerged, but the list grew too long. We're under the working assumption that if we walk outside of our office right now, we'll need scuba gear and a ride to our car courtesy of a mermaid.

Be careful driving today, folks. Don't be like this guy and have to be rescued — while wearing what appear to be purple pants, mind you — by an industrial machine and some firefighters.

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Morning Brew: Akron Embraces Free Parking, Lame LeBron Feud, Basket Travelers, and ATM Thefts

Posted By on Mon, Feb 28, 2011 at 11:35 AM

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Good morning, Cleveland. Here's some stuff to read while you paddle down your driveway.

In an effort to to attract visitors and shoppers downtown, the city of Akron has decreed that your first hour at city parking garages will be free. Cool. Double cool: just about anything you can do in Akron can be done in under an hour, so you'll never actually have to pay. Oh, a quick side note: Cleveland Hts. is the worst city for parking. We can all agree they are douchenozzles, right? (NewsNet5)

— Did you know there's a basket weaving conference in Mentor each year that brings people from as far away as Alaska? (News-Herald)

— Daniel Gibson and LeBron James feuded on Twitter about who has the more unjustified sense of entitlement. Or who was the "King of Cleveland," or something. (ESPN)

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Pic of the Day: Giant Sinkhole Caused By Flooding

Posted By on Mon, Feb 28, 2011 at 11:27 AM

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Water, water everywhere today. Flooding is causing havoc all over the Cleveland area, which means it's time for two quick reminders: 1) Don't drive through flooded areas lest you want the world to watch you be "rescued" from the top of your hood on TV, and 2) Flooding is dangerous, as evidenced by this giant sinkhole that opened up in Massillon. Yes, that used to be a road. (Via WKYC)

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Ohio TV Anchor Discovers Thongs Are Not Tax Deductible

Posted By on Mon, Feb 28, 2011 at 9:58 AM

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Anietra Hamper has been a TV anchor at two Columbus-area stations. In addition to being well-versed in local news and national trends, Hamper also made it a point to keep up her appearance, a key tenet of the talking head gig.

From 2005-2008, she worked at NBC4 and then moved on to WBNS until 2010. It was the period from 2005-2008, however, that caught the eye of the IRS. You see, Hamper, in pursuit of beauty, spent gobs of money on clothes, gyms, trainers, manicures, and more. Why does the IRS care? She tried to write off every dime she spent on aesthetic accessories and clothing — a staggering total of $167,356.

This included money spent on thongs, underwear, and bedding. She claimed they were all essential to her job, because after all, you can only trust the word of someone who is pretty. Also, outside beauty is only part of the picture; it really matters whether she feels pretty and sexy, which is, we guess, where the thongs come in. If she feels more confident regurgitating a story about the local PTA in a G-string from Victoria's Secret than a boring pair of granny panties, who are we to judge? And the bedding, too. Ever hear of beauty sleep?

The IRS begged to differ, and now a court agrees.

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Friday, February 25, 2011

Denny Obermiller, Grandparent Killer, Sentenced to Death

Posted By on Fri, Feb 25, 2011 at 3:13 PM

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The guy behind one of the most heinous crimes to rock Northeast Ohio in recent years has been sentenced to death, adding another name to the state’s lengthy death row. Maple Heights man Denny Obermiller was responsible for some real sick stuff. Like put your kids away in front of the TV for a minute. Ok? Alright.

Obermiller was convicted of murdering his grandparents. And of raping his grandmother.

According to the Plain Dealer, he was already a seasoned con with a nine-year prison sentence for assault under his belt when he moved in with Candace and Donald Schneider, 61 and 60, the doomed g-rents in question. The pair came home from out of town and found some coins were missing. They called the police, said they suspected their grandson. Days later, the couple were found dead.

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This Is What Passes For News When It Snows

Posted By on Fri, Feb 25, 2011 at 2:01 PM

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Well, it's come to this Cleveland. Everything shuts down when it snows — schools, places of work, our brains — and that includes the news. Here's one of the top five stories on NewsNet5 right now: Snow didn't stop a Rocky River woman from cross-country skiing to the salon. They've got a video and everything, which you can see below.

Let's all congratulate Susan Walker on resourcefully getting to her hair appointment, and having some good old fashioned fun and cardio at the same time. Bravo, madame.

Let that take you into the weekend.

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