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Monday, May 16, 2011

Man Arrested for Masturbating in Front of Kids

Posted By on Mon, May 16, 2011 at 4:09 PM

No one wants to see an old man masturbating in his driveway, so here are two cute cats in a sink.
  • No one wants to see an old man masturbating in his driveway, so here are two cute cats in a sink.

It's a cold and rainy Monday, so maybe this advice is unnecessary today (shrinkage and everything), but in advance of some nice weather this weekend, we'd like to remind you that it's highly illegal to not only masturbate outside, but to masturbate outside in front of children.

This public-service announcement is brought to you by the News-Herald and a Mentor man who wrestled the purple-headed yogurt-slinger while standing naked outside his house.

A King Memorial Drive resident filed a report Sunday claiming James R. White, 60, was standing in front of his own nearby driveway with no clothes on “stroking himself” on Thursday and Friday.

The man said his teens, a male and a female, witnessed this. The family provided color photos of the incident to police, who confronted the suspect with them.

Nice detail there. Not black and white photos. Color photos. Also, not just one day, but two. Man obviously has cajones (and issues, clearly).

At the very least, the story is a great argument for parents to arm all kids with top-of-the-line cellphones. Sure, they might text too much, run up overages, and never use them to call you, but you never know when they'll need them to snap pics of old perverts as evidence to be turned over to the cops.

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