Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Cleveland Ranked Best Place to Be When the World Ends

Posted By on Wed, Jun 29, 2011 at 4:23 PM

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As hurricanes shred the coast, tornadoes upend the prairie, and wildfires scorch the west, we here in Mother Nature’s bosom are left to ponder more pressing matters such as the source of our next beverage.
Yes, when it comes to meteorological calamity, the Forest City is as reliable as they come. And weather geeks are taking notice.

Jeff Opperman, a senior adviser at the Nature Conservancy, has completed a study ranking the top 50 U.S. cities in terms of resilience to climate change. And you, dear reader, are a winner yet again. In fact, the study’s top five cities read like a grand tour of the glorious Rust Belt: Cleveland, Milwaukee, Detroit, Chicago, and Minneapolis. Opperman attributes this to the region’s proximity to the Great Lakes and the low likelihood of hurricanes or flooding, at least till Antarctica melts.

And lest you doubt Mother Nature’s gift for vengeance, the study also found that the city most likely to perish in a fiery ball of apocalyptic misery is ... Miami. Ringless and doomed ain’t the way to go.

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Challenges to John Kasich's Challenges to SB5 Referendum

Posted By on Wed, Jun 29, 2011 at 1:33 PM

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On Thursday, organizers behind the drive to repeal Senate Bill 5 plan to announce their tally of signatures required to get a referendum on the November ballot.

The group, known as We Are Ohio, needs 231,000 valid signatures to challenge the law limiting collective bargaining rights for public employees. Early rumors put the actual number of signatures at more than one million.

Meanwhile, Governor John Kasich has been exploring ways to jam the bill through anyway. One such method, leaked last week, has Kasich hacking up the repeal referendum into numerous separate issues, such that voters might throw up their hands in confusion and retire to watch McHale’s Navy reruns instead.

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Charlie Sheen Took Steroids For Major League

Posted By on Wed, Jun 29, 2011 at 12:47 PM

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And with that, Cleveland is officially out of heroes.

Just kidding. Sports Illustrated talked to a host of people involved with Major League — writer, director, stars — for a little oral history on the movie as it turns 22. It's dynamite stuff filled with plenty of interesting nuggets on one of the best baseball movies ever made. Seriously, go read it.

Our favorite tidbit:

[L]et's just say that I was enhancing my performance a little bit. It was the only time I ever did steroids. I did them for like six or eight weeks. You can print this, I don't give a fuck. My fastball went from 79 to like 85.

We know what we'll be watching when we get home tonight.

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The Quality of Cleveland Life Report

Posted By on Wed, Jun 29, 2011 at 12:34 PM

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Your guide to thriving in fabulous Cleveland.

Justifiable Violence
: Cleveland Heights cops fend off unruly group at last week’s Coventry Street Fair. Yet another example of bad things happening when Jimmy John’s is late with a delivery.

Open House at Tony’s Place: Jurors tour home of accused serial-killer Anthony Sowell, agree that he’s really let the place go to hell.

Kyrie and the Other Guy
: Cavaliers select poor-shooting forward Tristan Thompson with fourth pick in NBA draft. Experts point out that Ginny at the Heinen’s meat counter was still available.

This Week's Index: You’re Travis Hafner on an interleague road trip. Best you just ride the bench this time.

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Peter Raskind Receives 100% Bonus on Salary From Cleveland Municipal School District

Posted By on Wed, Jun 29, 2011 at 11:17 AM

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That headline, while correct, is a little more than misleading.

Raskind, who served as interim CMSD CEO while the district searched for a permanent replacement for Eugene Sanders, took the job at a salary of $1.

NewsNet5 reports on the financial windfall that will leave him able to purchase not just a junior bacon cheeseburger, but a $1 frosty for a dessert as well.

At his final school board meeting, not only did he receive his dollar, but Cleveland City Council members doubled his salary — giving him another dollar — he also received a proclamation from council that among other things, names July 1 as Peter Raskind Day.

Board president Denise Link handed Raskind the bill signed by all board members.

“He once said to me about a month ago ‘I’ve never seen that dollar’ so I on behalf of the board have the dollar,” Link said as she showed off the signed dollar to the audience at the board business meeting Tuesday night.

There was no vote on how to deliver the dollar bill to Raskind, though we assume a couple board members would gladly have placed it in his jockeys with their teeth.

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Randy Lerner Likes to Leave Cleveland

Posted By on Wed, Jun 29, 2011 at 10:31 AM

From Curbed Hamptons, via Cleveland Frowns, comes data on Randy Lerner's carbon footprint and desire to be anywhere but the Buckeye State.

390 times since 2007 Randy Lerner has landed in East Hampton, presumably to get to his home in Amagansett, but it makes you wonder why he wants to leave Cleveland so often. We imagine it usually goes something like this:


Mr. Lerner: Why hello, girl scout cookie girl. I'll take two boxes of thin mints.

Girl Scout: Okay, just give me a minute while I tally the order.

Mr. Lerner: A minute? Well, shit, I'm going to go to New York while you do that. I can't stand to be in Cleveland for any longer than I have to. I'll be back. And while I'm in New York, I'm going to burn a bunch of tires. Why? Because fuck the environment, that's why.

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Breast-Milk Spraying Woman Gets Taiwanese Animation Treatment

Posted By on Wed, Jun 29, 2011 at 9:55 AM

Click here to watch the video. That's, um, a lot of milk.

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