Via Deadspin, a letter to the editor in the Findlay Courier from a fella who discovered that the Buckeye tree is both male and female (technically) and as such is bisexual and undeserving of state-tree status in Ohio.
He's obviously joking, but it's some money satire.
Something in the "Just Ask" column (Page A3, May 29) disturbed me. According to the column, "the Ohio buckeye, Aesculus glabra, bears flowers with both male and female organs on the same tree. It is a monoecious species."
I couldn't believe this, so I did some research and, sure enough, a science website (forestry.about.com) states that "the Ohio buckeye is polygamo-monoecious, bearing both bisexual and male flowers."
The buckeye is our state tree and most of us gladly wear the nickname, "buckeyes." But it is shameful and unacceptable that a bisexual tree should represent us! We are flaunting the Holy Bible!
I urge everyone to contact their state representative and demand legislation removing the buckeye as our state tree and condemning the use of the term "buckeye" as a nickname for residents of Ohio.
Does anyone know if carnations are bisexual?
Jim Flechtner, Findlay
A couple of notes: 1) Forestry.about.com is most certainly a "science website," much like Bang Brothers is a Sex Ed website. 2) Carnations are omnisexual and into open relationships and bondage. Everyone knows that.