Friday, May 24, 2013

The Internet Coughed Up A Charles Ramsey-Inspired Online Game

Posted By on Fri, May 24, 2013 at 10:58 AM

Ugh.
  • Ugh.
Most of Cleveland - nay, the world - wants to know what Charles Ramsey's life has been like for the past few weeks.

For now, though, interested Ramsey fans will have to settle for some reductionist playtime.

NMA-TV's abysmal video game, CHARLES RAMSEY'S BURGER BASH, attempts to toss some humor into the local kidnapping rescue. It... doesn't really go over very well.

The "game" involves loading up on cheeseburgers and tossing them at seemingly innocuous neighbors (or is that supposed to be, like, dozens of Ariel Castros?) One of these guys is tuning up his motorcycle. Another dude is holding a bass as he floats in mid-air.

Doesn't matter: Your job is to nail 'em while listening to a bizarre blend of now-infamous Ramsey quotes ("You gotta have some big testicles to pull this off, bro.") and SNES-era synth melodies.

Unsurprisingly, it's actually really fucked up. Losing the game results in an Ariel Castro-like character leading Ramsey into a nearby house - ON A LEASH AND COLLAR. Oh, and the screams of women that tear through the opening scene? The developers couldn't possibly have less integrity (although the cats behind Superman for Nintendo 64 may give them a run for their money).

Bonus, however: If you come away with a sweet high score, you can share that shit on Facebook and really bum out all the people who formerly cared for you.

UPDATE: Ramsey issued a statement yesterday denouncing both this game and all other attempts at using his name for marketing, etc. "I want everyone to know that I have nothing to do with this trash," he wrote.

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