Your commute sucked this morning, we know. Ours did too. The Shoreway closed this morning for the filming of what had better be an elaborate, high-octane highway chase scene in Captain America 2, and will remain closed for two more weeks.
Like responsible 21st century citizens, we've taken our frustrations promptly to the digisphere, where we've found solidarity and censure from our Cleveland brethren.
And a weird but sort of predictable thing happened: What was first almost unanimous angst and bewilderment — why, for instance, was the city's only emergency measure a few traffic cops? — morphed into chiding from both the "deal with it" crowd and the "let's buck up and find alternatives ourselves!" contingent.
Here are some tweets that run the emotional gamut:
Avoid innerbelt angst! Take the Red Line while the Shoreway is closed! #CLECaptTraffic— Greater Cleve RTA (@GCRTA) May 31, 2013
Captain America closes the Shoreway for 2 weeks, encourages everyone to ride their bike. Spread the word. Ride safe. http://t.co/9HXVj7wDZi— Bike Cleveland (@Bike_CLE) May 31, 2013
This Downtown #Cleveland traffic is awesome - said no one ever.— Rumor Bar & Lounge (@RumorCleveland) May 30, 2013
Pretty awesome to get a day off cause cleveland traffic is so stupid.— Alex Petz (@borddumonde) May 31, 2013
I hate working in Cleveland right now this traffic is making my job a bitch! #fts— Jeremy Gunsalus (@JGunsalus33) May 31, 2013
Stuck in traffic on Detroit Avenue, I think that if @GLBC_Cleveland can do Blackout Stout, it can make Shoreway Shutdown Shandy happen.— Mike Butz (@mikebutz) May 31, 2013
Hey, here's a novel thought. Rather than complain about traffic coming into Cleveland, how about actually moving back into Cleveland? #smh— Bob McDonald (@bobmcdonald) May 31, 2013
Dear Cleveland - welcome to LA traffic.— Most Likely Megan (@meganzurkey) May 31, 2013
I wonder if Mayor Jackson is personally dealing with this traffic nightmare he caused, or if he's just blissfully unaware. #cletraffic— Mallory McMaster (@MalloryInPink) May 31, 2013
Clevelanders were thrilled to hear that some more big blockbuster movies were coming to film in our delightful city this summer. Well, at least until we learned that Captain America would shut down every godblessit street in town, including a major highway.
Hollywood loves us!
Except what Hollywood didn't realize is that apparently Cleveland is a city of sticky fingers, loose morals, and shady characters. Why? (You know why.) Because Clevelanders can't stop stealing shit from those movie sets.
There was the car stolen from the Captain America set a week ago...
The driver of the black Chevrolet Malibu, identified in Cuyahoga County Court of Common Pleas documents as Norman Wood Polk, 25, was pulled over by Middleburg Heights police after he was seen driving in an out of traffic, according to a Middleburg Heights Police report.
The suspect told the arresting officer that he had permission to take the vehicle, according to the report, but movie officials later said otherwise.
and now, theft from the Browns headquarters in Berea from the set of Draft Day.
"It's absolutely false," said Cleveland councilman Brian Cummins in a phone interview this afternoon. After establishing the Courage Fund, Cummins is now focused on the recovery of his Seymour constituents. He's lately been visiting the street to offer counseling services and said that a "huge issue" has become "absolutely apparent" there — Ramsey's lies.
Put bluntly, residents are pissed off.
"The real story, the corroborated story, came out" Cummins said, "but it was buried under the avalanche of media reactions to Charles Ramsey."
Frank Russo shipped off to prison in Loretto, PA, earlier this year.
Around the same time, John Kiriakou was making his way to the same facility.
Kiriakou is a former CIA agent, one of six men indicted or convicted of leaking classified material that detailed illegal torture during the Bush administration. Kiriakou is a whistleblower
The two are cellmates, as detailed in a letter Kiriakou wrote that was published on Firedoglake.com.
One excerpt describes his cell and his mates:
On the topic of Notre Dame - and the Big Ten's longstanding desire to reel them in - Gee cracked open a little heat: "The fathers are holy on Sunday, and they're holy hell on the rest of the week...You just can't trust those damn Catholics on a Thursday or a Friday, and so, literally, I can say that."
Witty stuff, right? Gee's impromptu standup routine landed him in the confines of a "remediation plan." He issued a statement following the publication of his remarks: "The comments I made were just plain wrong, and in no way do they reflect what the university stands for."
And, oh, yeah: Gee also took aim at the SEC's milquetoast education: "You tell the SEC when they can learn to read and write, then they can figure out what we're doing," he said, deflecting criticism that the Big Ten actually has 14 teams.
This week's feature story is a profile of Door George, the longtime Flats' mainstay who worked for years at Circus and basically running Cleveland's adult entertainment world before shuffling to a job as the bathroom attendant at the Hustler Club.
There's plenty of gold in George's story — really, go read it, it's fabulous — but George isn't the only bathroom attendant in town (though there are only a handful.)
We caught up with Brian at the Diamond Men's Club to run through just how the hell you're supposed to act (and not act) when a bathroom attendant is manning the John you run in to.
1. On Saturday, June 1, the Cleveland Vegan Society will host the first annual VegFest. "This is the first event of this kind in this area, and we are thrilled. There is something for everyone," says Amy Wagar Cinch, President of the Cleveland Vegan Society. This free, all-day event will host an array of well regarded vegan speakers, who will discuss topics that cover all aspects of vegan living, from the latest nutritional advice and sustainable food methods, to animal ethics and environmental and social justice. Vegan chefs will present cooking demos, including Rashid Mitcham from Mo Bite Products. Local "veg-friendly" restaurants also will be on hand selling prepared vegan food. Fox 8's Emily Valdez will emcee the event. VegFest will take place from 9:30 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. at the Cleveland State University Student Center (2121 Euclid Ave.). There will be an after-party at the Agora Theater featuring comedian Jamie Kilstein, live music, complimentary vegan food, and raffles. Cost for this event is $15. Tickets for the after-party can be purchased at clevelandvegansociety.org.
2. On Saturday, June 1, the 4th annual Woof, Wag & Wine event to benefit Lake Humane Society will take over Grand River Cellars in Madison from 1 to 5 p.m. The $10 cost buys you and your furry four-legged friend a tour of the vineyards, while you get to enjoy wine samples, live music and a chance to win great prizes in the auctions. Guests are encouraged to bring chairs, blankets and canopies to set up on the lawn. One dollar from every bottle of wine sold at the event also benefits Lake Humane.
5750 S. Madison Rd., Madison, 440-298-9838, grandrivercellars.com