Tuesday, June 4, 2013

What Other Road Closures Would Benefit Cleveland's Entertainment Reach?

Posted By on Tue, Jun 4, 2013 at 11:35 AM

Everyone should rest assured that Captain America: The Winter Soldier is going to put Cleveland ON THE MAP, despite the current inconveniences to local commuters. Economic benefits! Really cool action sequences! Uh... Really cool action sequences!

Bearing that formidable success in mind, here are some ideas for future road closures when it comes to entertaining the masses:

- Everyone’s shitting their pants over Bon Jovi’s uber-hyped show at Cleveland Browns Stadium July 14. Shut down the West Shoreway and the Port Authority parking lots, and convert all that space into a massive and exclusive press area for Cleveland.com’s live-blog updates. “Livin’ on a Prayer,” indeed.

- Close down a major thoroughfare in each police district once a month. This will give officers the space needed to conduct a really good chase and shootout.

- When the Horseshoe Casino celebrates its 17-month anniversary later this fall, city leaders should shutter all roads into downtown, throw ticker tape in the faces of unsuspecting pedestrians and distribute a run of poker chips with “economic vitality” etched on them.

...Cleveland's sorely in need of guidance on all of this entertainment stuff. Casinos? Captain America sequels? An aquarium in - oh, Jesus Christ, they went and put the aquarium in The Flats?

Leave good and/or horrible ideas for further road closures in the comments section below. Bonus points, of course, if Mayor Frank Jackson ends up promoting your idea within the year.

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