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Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Deadspin: Why the Cleveland Browns Suck

Posted By on Wed, Aug 7, 2013 at 2:27 PM

Click for Deadspins 2013 Browns preview
  • Deadspin
  • Click for Deadspin's 2013 Browns preview

Deadspin's NFL preview series (Why Your Team Sucks) profiles each team in the league and, for Browns fans, today is the day you can read why your team sucks...

The fantastic Drew Magary reviews the 2012 season ("you have to deliberately plant staph fungus in the locker room showerheads and sign Jake Delhomme and hire Leo Bloom as your accountant to craft a failure this magnificent, this seemingly permanent"), profiles coach Rob Chudzinski ("young Beau Bridges") and Brandon Weeden, lists the worst 18 Browns players of all time, and features a bunch of emails from Browns fans (Desmond Bryant's mugshot makes an appearance as well, which is always entertaining).

I'll just leave you with this excerpt, and you can read the whole thing here:

Only in Cleveland. ONLY in Cleveland would the new owner be a minority Steelers owner who turned out to be a fucking crook. Not only is Jimmy Haslam a crook, but his company of truck driver handjob emporiums is a whopping FOUR BILLION DOLLARS IN DEBT. Oh my fucking God! Are his truck stops built out of fucking platinum? This man isn't even an effective crook. The feds are so far up Haslam's ass that his dad might be called in to run the team. Jimmy Haslam's father, you should note, is 82 years old. You get a crook AND you get Ralph Wilson all in one!

Of course, you should also check out this week's Scene cover story, "Mangini's Mess," by former tight end Nate Jackson.

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