Cartoonist Bill Watterson's role in the upcoming documentary Stripped is an interesting and unexpected one. Even more delightful, though, is the artwork he's released as the documentary's poster.
His style, of course, is immediately recognizable and warming.
In 2003, former Scene staff writer James Renner penned a story about Watterson's life post-syndication here in Chagrin Falls. He focuses on some of the licensing (or lack thereof) madness that befell the strip's creator in the years following retirement. (You know those inane Calvin send-ups, right? Stickers on cars or T-shirts that feature the philosophical child taking a leak on, say, Michigan University's logo or some horseshit? Those are illegitimate encroachments on Watterson's creation and they will forever infuriate him.)
The mustached man steps out of the Popcorn Shop in Chagrin Falls, clutching a cup of frozen yogurt. His eyes scan passersby. He's looking for that stare of recognition, that sideways glance of familiarity. But no one seems to track him as he walks back toward his car. He climbs in and sets the rest of his frozen dessert onto the passenger seat, next to the oil paints he bought at the art store earlier. A hint of a smile appears. Another successful day of anonymity.
Then the man notices the large 4X4 truck parked in front of him. There it is — that mocking decal, stuck on the back window. It's Calvin, urinating on a Ford logo, grinning with gleeful malice.
The man's smile disappears. "My boy," he mutters ruefully. "Oh, my boy."
The absolutely hilarious mispronunciation of his last name has been sort of an ongoing joke among the Washington press corps and mostly everybody else. Because he acts like a walking, talking humanoid boner. And because it's funny.
This will, mind you, be the high point of your news-reading day.
Here's the clip:
Hunting Valley is located deeply southeast of downtown, fortified to the north, east and south by Gates Mills, Pepper Pike and Moreland Hills, respectively. It is a community of 705 people (though Google suggests that since 2010, the population has grown by four).
In the relevant affluence metrics, Hunting Valley comes in a wee bit poorer than counterparts in Murray Hill-Heathcote (Scarsdale) #14, Round Hill-North Greenwich (Greenwich) #16, but richer than the wealthy burbage of Beverly Park-Beverly Crest (Los Angeles) #18, and McLean Ctry Ests-Glendale (McLean) #19.
Based on 2000 census numbers, Hunting Valley was dubbed the 6th-richest place in the country based on per capita income, but median household income is regarded as a truer portrait of wealth, because it removes servants and "caretakers" from the equation.
(I joke, because I am at once sort of envious of and repulsed by exorbitant wealth, but the homes really are magnificent down there).
After a New Miami, OH judge ruled portable city traffic cameras to be unconstitutional, one Ohio prankster thought he'd have a little fun at his city's expense.
A For Sale sign was taped onto the front of the camera with a listing price of $1 million - that's the amount New Miami has collected in fines since the cameras were rolled out 15 months ago.
The sign remained in tact for less than half a day before authorities took it down, the News Journal reports.
In Cleveland, courts have also ruled that similar traffic cameras violate citizens' rights, yet ours have remained operational while the city reviews various court orders.
Clevelanders, too, have found ways to retaliate against these godforsaken roadside boxes of evil: In December, one Hough Avenue unit was apparently set ablaze by an angry driver.
1. When you don't actually like coffee.
An extra pump of vanilla syrup, three Splendas, and room for cream?
2. When you pronounce pastry names in a weird French accent.
We understand you studied abroad in Paris for a semester in undergrad, but this is Cleveland. You sound like a fool when you order a coffee and a pain au chocolat.
3. When you stop in two minutes before closing time and are mad that we dumped the coffee.
Yeah, it's 10:58 p.m. and we've been slow for an hour. We dumped it.
4. When you order a breve, but hold the whip.
A breve— that's a latte made with half and half instead of milk— already contains most of your daily calories. But, ah, you're watching your waist, so we'll hold the whip for you.
5. When you change your order after we've already started making it.
Oh you wanted that with soy milk? Why didn't you say so 30 seconds ago?
6. When you use Starbucks lingo at our locally owned coffee shop.
A tall frappuccino? Really?
6. When you point at the pastry case and say "What's that?" even though there's a sign right there.
Two millimeters to your left and -ah- there it is: blueberry coffee cake. Not like we can see what you're pointing at from the other side of the case anyway.
7. When you buy coffee for $1.75 and pocket the quarter instead of putting it in the tip jar.
9. When you assume we get free coffee all day long.
Okay, we do. But that doesn't mean we're going to comp yours.
10. When you try to lecture us.
On coffee roasting, on religion, on Joe Cimperman's beard. Yeah, we've heard it all.
11. When you ask us out — for coffee.
Written by a former Northeast Ohio barista.
Rather than make a stereotypical rock movie about a band, director Don Argott (Art of the Steal) originally intended to make his new film, As the Palaces Burn, about the fans of the metal band Lamb of God. The movie makes its local debut tonight at 7 at Digiplex Solon Cinema 16 (and if you miss it, it’ll screen there again on March 17 and will also show as part of the Cleveland International Film Festival).
“I knew of Lamb of God, but wasn’t necessarily a fan,” he explains when asked about how he first came to the project. “That’s not because I don’t like their music but because they’re a later band. I was listening more to ’80s thrash and speed metal like Slayer and Anthrax and all that stuff. Lamb of God came out a little later and I had moved into the grunge scene but always loved heavy metal and punk rock. I consider myself a metal head from Jersey from the age of 14. I loved the concept of turning the cameras away from the band and focusing more on their fan base. We were going to unique and interesting places and I thought that was a good opportunity to tell the story from the fans’ perspective.”
Merry weekend, Cleveland!
As always, there's plenty of sweet stuff going on.
The aquarium's got a whiskey tasting event to get your weekend rolling. After that, it'll be easy to stay suave with any combination of Cleveland's classy events: British comedy, modern dance, or some really old art, just to name a few.
On Sunday, maybe wind down with a fairytale movie… or, wind back up with a dance party.
Whatever gets you going, have fun and stay warm.
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