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Monday, April 5, 2010

Shaq's Mom's Book Signing — A Hard Hitting Report From Sam's Club

Posted By on Mon, Apr 5, 2010 at 8:26 AM

For reasons not worth going into here, I found myself at Sam's Club in Brooklyn, Ohio, last Thursday evening when Lucille O'Neal and her son Shaq were signing copies of her new book, Walk Like You Have Somewhere To Go.

Sam's Club — the somewhere to go if you need a lifetime supply of coffee filters, a year's-worth of toothpaste, or a 150-pack of hot dogs — was an odd venue choice, but provided for some moments of hilarity.

Take the shelves near the queue entrance where they decided to feature Lucille O'Neal's book. Only one other book was showcased, and it looks like Sam's Club knows the demographics of its shoppers.

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Then there was the line itself, which snaked around a display for gazebos, one for TV's, and finally wound its way through the aisle for vacuums and something called the "anti-gravity lounger," which you could pick up for the bargain price of $74.87.

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The problem with the line and the congregation assembled for the book signing was that there were people actually, ya know, shopping, and they had no interest in Shaq, Shaq's mom, where it is that she walked to, or how long it took her to get there. No one quite so aptly represented this portion of the shoppers than a kindly-looking, cranky-acting old black lady in a motorized shopping cart. She came "barreling" towards the fresh meat department when her progress was stopped by a rope and the crowd. Annoyed, she kept nudging forward into the oblivious throng until the bodies finally parted. She had somewhere to go, and it involved a economy-sized pack of pork chops.

Follow me on Twitter: @vincethepolack.

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