Becky's Coffee Crisis

I've never been much of a coffee drinker (too much caffeine causes premature wrinkles -- yuck!). But a few weeks ago, after growing a tad sick of my watery (but super healthy!) green tea, I acquired a craving for an extra-large, iced, coconut-flavored coffee from Dunkin' Donuts. But where to get one? I racked my brain, trying to remember where the nearest Dunkin' Donuts might be. Then I remembered: After attending the Raconteurs concert at the House of Blues, I noticed the familiar, comforting pink logo and double-D lettering that signifies to all the world: Dunkin' Donuts. Iced, coconut, wrinkle-causing coffee -- here I come!!! During one of my, um, infrequent breaks, I hopped in my little gray Honda Civic and parked a few blocks away from the House of Blues. To keep my mind calm on the three-block journey in three-inch heels, I pulled out my ipod and clicked on some Kelly Clarkson tunes. In my mind, I was already downing the iced-coffee concoction, and it tasted quite heavenly. I arrived in front of the donut shop and was about to go in, when the horror hit me: The pink lettering and double-D logo on this establishment do not spell out Dunkin' Donuts. They spell Double Donuts. Those conniving tricksters, I thought, as I stood fuming in front of the store. (Even Kelly Clarkson's melodic voice assuring me that "everything's fine" did not help.) Those bastards, with their pink logo and their double-D's that certainly do not spell Dunkin' Donuts, thought they could lure me into their lair. And once I was in there, and finally noticed that this was not the real Dunkin' Donuts, they probably figured I would stay and buy their coffee anyway, since I was, you know, already there. They would not enjoy that satisfaction on this day. I turned on my three-inch heels and walked the three painful blocks back to my car, coffeeless. At the office, I turned to the official Dunkin' Donuts website and learned that the closest location is six and a half miles away in -- sigh -- Brooklyn. Forlorn, I stared at my watery cup of green tea, then made my way to the soda machine. Diet Coke is not an extra-large iced coconut-flavored coffee, but at least it has the same number of calories -- zero. Next order of business: Mapquesting Brooklyn. Does the workday never end? -- Becky Meiser
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