Bruise Crews

The Burning River Roller Girls slam into North Olmsted’s Soccer Sportsplex for tonight’s Rock ’n’ Roller Brawl of Dames doubleheader. More than 60 local gals make up the four-team roller-derby league -- which began its monthly contests back in April, after more than a year of intense practice sessions. The squads -- the Cleveland Steamers, the Hard Knockers, the Rolling Pin-Ups, and the Hellbombers -- include women of different ages and backgrounds who have one thing in common: the urge to crush someone. “No one is faking it,” says Ursula Allison, who’s known as the MILFinator in the rink. So far this season, there have been broken legs and sprained ankles. Fans may also go home with a souvenir bruise or two -- especially those who opt for Suicide Seating, a mere five feet from the track. “A roller girl will probably get knocked into your lap,” says Allison, who insists the ladies (wives, mothers, and career professionals by day) are all friends. They even share fashion tips on the tank tops, skirts, and fishnet stockings they sport during games. “We are girls, you know,” she says.
Sat., June 30, 6 p.m.