Holiday Party Excuse Generator

'Tis the season to party, unless, of course, that party is being thrown by annoying co-workers or pesky neighbors — or you're simply too hung over from the last bash to make it to the next. In that case, getting out of holiday parties is a complicated feat of deception. Toiling over the perfect excuse, from "Already got tickets to the Cavs game" to "Just diagnosed with cancer — not up for seeing people," can be a stressful exercise in lying. And then, there's always the lingering guilt, or — worse — getting caught. But fret no longer! Thanks to the Holiday Party Excuse Generator, misanthropic Scrooges now have an easy way out of those egg nog soaked evenings. This is how it works: You get a series of questions regarding the party, from your general feelings toward your host to the type of party you're trying to avoid (options being "Very Martha Stewart" and "Debauched"). Here's a sample excuse: Dear Dennis Kucinich, I have no trace of regret that I will be unable to attend your picture-perfect holiday bash. I will be auditioning for a community theater production of "Cats", and thus in a more celebratory frame of mind. Once the holidays are past, I hope to have a good long visit with you and find out all the party highlights. Please give my thinly veiled indifference to your party guests, and tell them I know they have something to look forward to — leaving. My best wishes for a chatty and crisis-free holiday. Ho-ho-ho, Denise Grollmus