Dear Dan,
My husband left the picture recently, and I'm now a single mom supporting an infant in Toronto. I work a retail job and am drowning financially. I hooked up with a guy I met on Tinder, and I didn't warn him that I'm still nursing because I didn't even think of it. Luckily, he really got off on it—so I was spared the awkwardness of "Eww, what is coming out of your tits?!" Afterward, he joked about there being a market for lactating women in the kink world. My questions: If I find someone who will pay me to suckle my milk, is that prostitution? And if I advertise that I'm willing to be paid, can I get into trouble for that? The possibility of making some money this way is more appealing every day.
—Truly In Trouble
"Allowing clients to suckle her breasts is, of course, sex work," said Angela Chaisson, a partner at Toronto's Paradigm Law Group. "But sex work is legal for everyone in Canada, new moms included. The new sex work laws here—the 2014 'Protection of Communities and Exploited Persons Act,' an Orwellian title for a draconian piece of legislation—prohibit sex work close to where minors might be. So if she's engaging in sex work close to kids, she is risking criminal charges."
No one wants sex work going on around minors, of course—on or around minors—so that's not what makes the 'Protection of Communities and Exploited Persons Act' an Orwellian piece of bullshit.
Laws regulating sex work in Canada were rewritten after Terri-Jean Bedford, a retired dominatrix and madam, took her case to the courts. The Supreme Court of Canada ultimately ruled—unanimously—that criminalizing sex work made it more dangerous, not less, and consequently the laws on the books against sex work violated the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. But instead of decriminalizing sex work, Parliament made it legal to sell sex in Canada but illegal to buy it, aka the "end demand" approach to stamping out sex work.
Chaisson, who helped bring down Canada's laws against sex work, doesn't think selling suckling will get you in trouble, TIT. "But Children's Aid Society (CAS) would investigate if they felt there was a child in need of protection," said Chaisson. "So the safest thing would be for her to stick to out calls only and to keep the work away from kids and anywhere they might be."
To avoid having to worry about CAS or exactly where every kid in Canada is when you see a client while still making some money off your current superpower, TIT, you could look into the emerging online market for human breast milk. There are more ads from breast milk fetishists (204) at OnlyTheBreast.com ("Buy, sell, or donate breast milk with our discreet classifieds system") than there are from new parents seeking breast milk for their infants (159). Good luck!
Dear Dan,
My husband and I have a pretty good sex life considering we are raising three kids, we both work full time, and I'm going to school. We have sex four to five times a week, sometimes daily. Before we married, it never occurred to me to check what he was looking at online. Now I can't stop. I know he looks at porn and masturbates. I never check his phone or his Facebook or anything like that, just what he has googled. How can I let go and be more confident and believe that, regardless of his personal habits, he still wants me? He says it's not personal, it's when I'm not available, and it's a good way to take a nap. I trust him and don't think he's doing anything wrong, but how do I feel okay with it?
—Sees Problems On Understanding Spouse's Electronics
You don't have a good sex life, SPOUSE, you have a great sex life. You two are raising three kids, you're getting sex on an almost daily basis, and at least one of you is getting naps? You're the envy of all parents everywhere. It'll put your mind at ease if you remind yourself now and then that no one person can be all things to another person—sexually or in any other way—and that the evidence your husband still wants you is running down your leg four to five times per week. Now please pass the paper/tablet/phone to your husband, SPOUSE, I have something to say to him.
Hey, Mr. SPOUSE, here's a handy life hack for you: CLEAR YOUR FUCKING BROWSER HISTORY. Use the "private browsing" or "incognito" setting in your web browser, and spare your wife—and yourself—future scrutiny and smut shaming.
