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Thursday, October 8, 2009

Why I Hate Kiss

Posted By on Thu, Oct 8, 2009 at 3:26 PM

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The reason I hate Kiss doesn't have so much to do with their music.

Sure, their pedestrian four-chord stomp is designed to grab the attention of ADD-riddled 12-year-olds in less time than it takes to say "I wanna rock and roll all night, and rip you off every day."

And yeah, the band's songs — sneering winks about sex, rockin' your ass off and other things grandpas really shouldn't be singing about — never really evolved over the years, despite Kiss having logged more than three decades' worth of records.

Most groups have at least one challenging "artsy" work in their catalogs. Not Kiss. (And no, Music From "The Elder" doesn't count; that became "challenging" only after people didn't buy it.)

No, the reason I hate Kiss so much has little to do with the music.

It has to do with the credit card.

And the casket.

And the countless repackaging of all their mediocre songs over the years.

And now the custom M&M's.

Mars Direct, Inc., the folks behind the melts-in-your-mouth-not-in-your-hands candy, announced today that they're selling My M&M's Kiss Blend, which it refers to as "a rockin' partnership between the beloved candy brand and one of rock’s most prolific bands."

Yes, a rockin' partnership.

With one of rock's most prolific bands.

But only for a limited time. (They're available at Walmart for $6.)

The candies will feature each of the band members' faces. So you — like the thousands, thousands!, of groupies Gene Simmons, Paul Stanley and we assume the other guys have slept with over the years — can put a little piece of the band in your mouth. —Michael Gallucci

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