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Thursday, November 19, 2009

Why Aerosmith Should Just Call It a Day

Posted By on Thu, Nov 19, 2009 at 11:11 AM


Anyone else tired of all this Aerosmith he-said-she-said shit as I am?

First, singer Steven Tyler twirled his old ass off a stage and injured himself, which led to the band canceling the rest of its summer tour.

This came on top of several other band members' injuries over the past few months (most classic: Guitarist Brad Whitford bumped his head on his Ferrari and missed some shows). Then there were numerous delays on their new album, until it was eventually pulled off the schedule. Aerosmith were planning to play 1975's Toys in the Attic album in its entirey ... before Tyler fell offstage while dancing to the music in his head.

Over the past few weeks, the band — vocally headed by guitarist Joe Perry — has been pitted against their scarf-loving singer. Perry said no one has talked to Tyler in months. Tyler said he was going to work on a solo record. Perry said Aerosmith will continue, with or without Tyler.

The latest news: Since the band hasn't heard from their mouthy singer in months, they think he may have relapsed. Aerosmith have a long and troubled history with drug abuse, which they eventually kicked in a celebrated comeback story that culminated in the rediscovery of some musical mojo.

But that was a long time ago. Aerosmith haven't made a good album in 20 years. Their last album (not counting the lazy 2004 blues record, Honkin' on Bobo) was 2001's Just Push Play, in which the veteran rockers messed around with some electronic noises and bored the hell out of everybody.

Do they really have anything left in them? It's doubtful. I've been watching the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Live DVDs, and Tyler and Perry's induction of Led Zeppelin was awful. Unlike the magnetic Tom Hanks (who inducted the Dave Clark Five) or the sharp Pete Townshend (who inducted the Rolling Stones) or even Bruce Springsteen's funny induction of Jackson Browne, Tyler and Perry stumbled over their words as they read (and I do mean "read" — their eyes never left the piece of paper in front of them) a flat tribute to the greatest hard rock band of all time. They came off as dumbasses. Tyler is also one of the most annoying frontmen in the history of rock, which he proved that night by breaking into an a cappella and kinda embarrassing version of "Good Times, Bad Times."

Of course rock and roll isn't a smart man's game. But it doesn't have to be this stupid. I love Aerosmith's 1980 Greatest Hits album. It collects a period of endless riffs and '70s American rock hedonism at its grandest. But the band has continued to cash in on its legacy for years, lazily working its old songs in concert (here comes that fucking talkbox for "Sweet Emotion"!) and plodding through new tunes that not even fans can get too worked up about.

That their best song of the '90s and '00s is the goopy ballad "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" — which they didn't write and originally appeared on a soundtrack to a shitty end-of-the-world movie — is further evidence they should just call it quits. What good is a new singer at this point? What more do they have to say? Can that tattooed asshole from Buckcherry really inject Aerosmith with a shot of relevance at this point? No.

Aersomith is Tyler. And Perry. And those other guys. And that band checked out a long time ago. It's time they lock the doors for good. —Michael Gallucci

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