Our Secret Spy Dishes Dirt on Hollywood's A-List at the Coachella Fest

At last weekend’s Coachella Festival -- a three-day music binge in the middle of the California desert – a stellar lineup including Ghostface Killah and the Jesus and Mary Chain played host to a gaggle of A-list celebrities, who tended to draw more attention than the music itself. C-Notes had a spy on hand to witness all the Hollywood revelry: Patrick Carney, drummer for The Black Keys, who earned rave reviews for their sweaty Saturday performance. From his hotel room in Syndey, Australia, where the Keys are currently on tour, Carney fills us in on the celeb dirt: On Lindsay Lohan: “She looks like a baby, but her voice is exactly like Phyllis Diller’s. It was fucking weird.” On Paris Hilton: “She’s actually kinda cute – not as trashy as I thought she’d be -- though she was wasted, and I watched her fall on her ass during the Girl Talk set. It was awesome.” On Cameron Diaz: “Yeah, I guess she watched our whole set. I wonder if she actually likes our music. I saw her in the guest tent. I was standing like a yard away from her. It was weird.” On Angie Everhart: “She’s that model from Akron who was engaged to Sylvester Stallone. Did you know he’s like four feet tall and it’s in his contract that he has to stand on crates so that he looks taller than his co-stars? I swear! It’s true!”