Tressel: Walk away if he mentions his "whistle."
It's Halloween, which means I'm once again dressed as an uncreative alternative-weekly writer too lazy and self-conscious to go balls-out for one night. However, if Saturday night in the Warehouse District was any indication, your office should be chock-full of lovable characters. Among the best costumes stumbled upon at the Map Room, Dive Bar, and Liquid on Saturday night:
The Guinness Guys: So simple. White coats with Guinness labels, and bushy mustaches. Brilliant!
Coach Tressel: A sweater vest, carefully parted gray hair, and clipboard. This was mostly cool because the dude walked around the whole night barking at people like an old-time football coach, and occasionally approached strangers at the bar and started drawing plays on his clipboard.
Donatella Versace: Honestly, I didn't know who she was, even after she gave me a couple hints. But I'm a moron. Everyone else was hollering Dona! at this famously coked-out vixen -- pink dress, blond wig, long cig -- all night, possibly because they liked the costume, and more likely because they hoped she had the good stuff.
Anna Nicole Smith, before and after: Dude in a fat suit and wig, girl in a blond wig and slim dress, with "TrimSpa" scrawled across the front. As the Guinness guys would say: Brilliant!
-- Joe P. Tone
