Cancer Fest at the City View Shopping Center

The party is going to be rockin’ this weekend at the City View Shopping Center in Garfield Heights. City Fest, formerly the city’s Home Days festival, was renamed to honor the new strip mall, a modern marvel of American ingenuity, an economic boon to the depressed suburb, and a pressure-cooker filled with enough toxic chemicals to dissolve every man, woman, and child in the vacinity. Let’s go kids! You see, City View was built on a former landfill, into which all sorts of goodies were dumped by Cleveland’s booming manufacturing industry in the ‘70s. Stuff like industrial degreasers, which degrade into a volatile chemcial called vinyl chloride. For a briefing on the effects of vinyl chloride, take a drive down to the base of the landfill in Valley View, where dozens of residents have dropped dead of cancer and assorted nasty illnesses [“Tomb with a View,” January 10]. Yummm. Who wants a corn dog? This weekend’s going to be packed with enough family fun to make you grow an extra set of reproductive organs. Shake hands with Dick Goddard, Big Chuck & Lil’ John. Bring your appetite for ice-cream eating contests. Overlook the valley atop the ferris wheel. And make sure to stay for the fireworks show on Sunday night . . . Scccrrreeeeaaaaaccchhhhh. What? That’s right, fireworks! If you weren’t aware, landfills, especially one as large as the mighty cauldron of chemicals under City View, give off large quantities of methane gas. And gas, as you know, tends to explode when introduced to its good friend Mr. Fire. Not exactly the place you’d pick for blowing up large quantities of explosives, but it might make for one hell of a grand finale. We’ll be watching from a safe distance. – Jared Klaus