Edwards Agrees to Debate Kucinich, but Denny gets a tummy-ache

Presidential hopeful John Edwards has agreed to a three-way debate between Congressman Dennis Kucinich and Hillary Clinton on MSNBC’s Hardball With Chris Matthews. The announcement comes after Edwards was caught whispering to Clinton in front of an open microphone about squeezing some less “serious” candidates out of future debates. Translation: “Hillary, if I gotta stand there one more time and listen while Santa’s Little Helper blabs about sleeping in cars when he was a kid, I’m gonna sever my own head.” Strangely, just as Edwards accepted the challenge, Dennis’ camp reported that the Elf had fallen ill to food poisoning while traveling to Florida for a campaign event. It’s a suspicious story, considering the Elf has consistently backed out of congressional debates in his last three elections. Could diarrhea be his latest excuse? – Jared Klaus